when finally set free

Creative Challenge Update!

2012-02-16T00:30:00.000-08:00

A couple of blog entries ago, I mentioned how I had been inspired and wanted to feed my creative self. I set out to do a "30 Day Creative Challenge", where I committed to doing something creative everyday, or at least create something. I was off to a good start, and my aim was to not miss a single day, but alas, I ended up skipping yesterday. The cool thing is that I was really bummed by the end of the night because I had not done something creative. I am glad that I'm doing this, because I've really missed this part of me.

Here is my progress so far:

Day One, Friday 2/10

I helped my friend, Chris, create an art display for a show at church

*Create stencil

*Spray paint onto wood

Day Two, Saturday 2/11

I made my own Photo Strip - (I originally got the idea from this blog)

*Print your choice of photos (I like going to Kinkos because they have a photo option where you can put together a collage of different pictures, and the size is perfect!)

*Cut the pictures out carefully

*Glue the individual photos onto a long piece of cardstock paper

*Trim the sides so that you can't see the cardstock & you're done!

Day Three, Sunday 2/12

I made music with my friends Sean & Andrew in a park

Day Three, Monday 2/13

I performed a show with my band Pilgrims at Commonwealth Lounge in Fullerton, CA

Day Four, Wednesday 2/15 (I skipped V-Day)

I put together a mini film on iMovie of videos I took at my friend, Rebecca & Ben's wedding

*8mm iPhone app

*iMovie

You can watch the video here:

& That is about all I have so far! I am not sure what other creative adventures I will find myself doing, but I am looking forward to seeing what I come up with! I'd like to cook or bake something this week, and also write a song. If you have any ideas for me, please let me know!

Have you thought about doing your own creative challenge? If you do, I'd love to see your progress and what creative things you are doing, so let me know!

Bren

[To follow my #creativechallenge progress: instagram/twitter: @brendaabel]

A Non-Traditional Valentine's Day

2012-02-15T01:00:00.000-08:00

I had a great day today.

It started off with meeting one of my favorites, Nicole, for lunch and a sweet stroll down 2nd street in Belmont Shores. I always love my time spent with this girl, she always knows how to make me laugh, that is for sure. We also had two little ones (twins, to be exact) join us for lunch, because Nicole was watching them. They're precious, right? I actually get to watch them for a bit tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to!

Then, I came home to get ready for my Valentine's date! Okay, so it wasn't a date with a boy, but it was with my great friend, Shannon! We are both single, and we wanted to be able to enjoy the festivities of this holiday as well! We went to Disneyland and rode a few rides, watched the end of the parade, got yummy Cinnamon Tea Lattes and sat on a bench on Main Street and just chatted. Oh! And, we took a picture with Minnie :) It was a wonderful night, and I am so glad I got to spend it with her.

So, all in all, my Valentine's Day was spent with two lovely ladies in my life, so I really can't complain.

But, then I came home, and ya know, things aren't easy. Things are not bad, by any means, but reality does hit once you get home, ain't that the truth?
The hardest thing about Valentine's Day, is not being able to share it with the person you love the most.

So, I'll leave you with this, because I am just in one of those moods.

David Ramirez, "Shoeboxes"

"Why did I hang onto your pictures?
Why did I hang onto that dress?
Because it kills me to see you, but it kills me not to
It kills me to remember & it kills me to forget
So I suppose you'll be in every song I sing
If not written in my words, you'll be hidden in these strings
Because how could I ever forget my first love?"

But hey, all you lovers out there, keep on loving. Don't take the person you love for granted. Remember, love never promised to be easy, and love never promised to always be full of great times, but loving that one person in the midst of those difficult times is what makes love so wonderful.

The worst thing you can do to the person you love the most, is to take them for granted. Make everyday "Valentine's Day", they are worth it.

XO
Bren

Creative Challenge

2012-02-10T02:03:00.000-08:00

So, I've been inspired.

About a year ago, I was introduced to an amazing author, Shauna Niequist. I've written about her, and have referred to and quoted her several times on this blog. She has written two books, and I happened to start with her second book, Bittersweet, and I loved that one so much, I knew I needed to read her first book, Cold Tangerines. Unfortunately, I took an extremely long time to finish reading that book, but I finally finished it tonight! And, it couldn't have come at a better time for me. One thing I love about Shauna, is that she writes relatively short chapters, which is good for me, because I can't read for too long at a time. Tonight, I realized I only had about 3 chapters left until the end of the book, so I planted myself down, and pushed through.

These two excerpts from her last two chapters have been underlined, highlighted and marked with "!" next to them (so that I can remember these were "life changing" for me) :

Needle and Thread

"I know that life is busy and hard, and that there's crushing pressure to just settle down and get a real job and khaki pants and a haircut. But don't. Please don't. Please keep believing that life can be better, brighter, broader, because of the art that you make. Please keep demonstrating the courage that it takes to swim upstream in a world that prefers putting away for retirement to putting pen to paper, that chooses practicality over poetry, that values you more for going to the gym than going to the deepest places in your soul. Please keep making art for people like me, people who need the magic and imagination and honesty of great art to make the day-to-day world a little more bearable.
And if, for whatever reason, you've stopped-- stopped believing in your voice, stopped fighting to find the time-- start today.
...Do something creative everyday."

Cold Tangerines

"Today is a gift. And if we have tomorrow, tomorrow will be a gift.
It's rebellious, in a way, to choose joy, to choose to dance, to choose to love your life. It's much easier and much more common to be miserable. But I choose to do what I can do to create hope, to celebrate life, and the act of celebrating connects me back to that life I love. We could just live our normal, day-to-day lives, saving all the good living up for someday, but I think today, just plain today, is worth it. I think it's our job, each of us, to live each day like it's a special occasion, because we've been given a gift. We get to live in this beautiful world. When I live purposefully and well, when I dance instead of sitting it out, when I let myself laugh hard, when I wear my favorite shoes on a regular Tuesday, that regular Tuesday is better."

I was meeting with my mentor, Sarah, yesterday and she like Shauna sparked inspiration within me. She was asking me to really take this transitional time to discover what makes me move, what makes my heart stir. To take this time to find out the ways God has wired me, and seek the calling that He has for my life. Hearing that got me so pumped!

With both of these recent happenings, I feel like I have new purpose, and new drive for this season I am in. I will continue to wait for the thing I am waiting for, however it's going to look a little different. My heart still waits, that is absolutely certain, but it's time for me to regain what I've lost in this season, and that is art. I need to make more of it. I have repressed my creative self for far too long, and I think that is a huge reason why I've been so frustrated and upset lately. It's not just the fact that I am waiting, or that I am sleeping on my couch, or that I don't have a job - although these factors made it easy for me to justify my emptiness, they aren't the reason. It's because I've lost myself, or at least a piece of myself.

So, since I've been inspired, I need a structure to see this come to fruition. Something Shauna said that really stood out to me was "Do something creative everyday." That is where I will begin. I don't want to set myself up for failure and say, I am going to write 10 new songs, paint 5 new paintings and write a novel; so instead, I will keep it simple and start small.

For the next month, I will aim to create something new everyday. I am not sure what that will look like, and I am sure somedays will look more "creative" than others. But, my goal is to get back into the creative swing of things. This life is a complete gift from God, and I want to start giving back to Him, by adding things to this world.

I would love to hear any ideas you might have! Send me recipes, art projects, creative ideas, etc. I am open minded and would love the help! I will post about the creative things I am producing everyday, and hey, if you're feeling you need to re-spark that creative soul of yours, I encourage you to join me!

I will also be posting my creativity on instagram, for you iPhoners, you can find me @brendaabel
(That goes for my twitter account as well!).
If you decide to join me, I will be using #creativechallenge

Thanks for letting me rant, friends. I am excited to see where this leads. And at the very least, this will motivate me to face each day not just as battle, since that is the reality of what this season is for me, but that it is a beautiful day; a gift.

XO
Brenda

Between Notes

2012-02-09T16:28:00.000-08:00

"The best stories end where they should,

even if that's not exactly how you wanted them to."

I have Charter On Demand, and there's been this preview that keeps popping up for a movie called "Between Notes". It seemed like a cute, typical love story with a musical twist to it. I watched the trailer for it the other day, and then today I decided to actually watch it. After watching it, I will say that yes, it was cute, and it did have a musical twist, but it was far from a typical love story. It was unique, and not completely predictable, which I loved.

I won't spoil it, for those of you who want to watch it. But, I really do recommend that you see it. The soundtrack is completely phenomenal and refreshing. The main actor is singer/songwriter, David Ramirez, and the majority of the soundtrack is his original music.

Here is a trailer for the film, and also here is my favorite song from the movie. It definitely hits home for me. Enjoy <3

"The Things I Lost", David Ramirez

"so if you come back to me,

back to me

could you bring back the things I lost?

cause darlin' I'm fading away

like a soul caught in between

& my hands need something to hang on"

I hope you are all enjoying this day and are looking forward to the weekend!

Fight or Flight?

2012-02-06T17:58:00.002-08:00

[Warning: I might get a little bold here.]

Alright, you've decided to read on, I've warned you...

If you have been keeping up with my blogs for the last 2+ months, then you will know that I've been going through a particular "season" in life. I haven't really given any specifics as to what that season is, and I will choose to remain vague for the sake of protecting my heart, and not letting this blog become my online diary. Mondays usually have a rough start, but end on an extremely high note. For some reason, when I wake up on Mondays, I am reminded that while most of the rest of the world is starting their work week off, I am at home, jobless and have to face the fact that I am kind of in limbo right now. Thank the Good Lord for Monday nights, though. Every Monday night, I meet with three other wonderful, darling women, and we talk about life, Jesus and how the two go hand in hand. I always walk away feeling extremely encouraged, and enlightened. It's surely a blessing.

Today when I was getting ready to dive into my daily routine, (reading a chapter of the Bible - currently I am in the middle of 1 Corinthians, & I am going through the Epistles - the daily devotion from My Utmost For His Highest, and journaling) I was praying and asking God for some revelation as to what I am going through. It was a really neat moment, where I felt the Spirit speak directly to me. Lately I've been asking God the honest question of "why am I still going through this?". God reminded me of something today. This is usually the point of a tough season where I run, quit, flee, etc. Around the 2 month mark, when things get really difficult, I don't sit easy in it, and I take off. I've done it on numerous occasions. Up until this point, this season has proven to be extremely painful, but it has been manageable. Recently, it has felt like that, but on steroids. I've literally felt like I've had to fight to keep my head and heart above the surface, every single day. And, I hate it.

I hate feeling like I have no control.
I hate feeling like I am facing the flames just to get burned.
I want that guarantee of happiness in the end, I want to know that I am facing the flames for a purpose beyond just gaining strength and character.
That is the honest truth.

Then God reminded me, I am. There is so much purpose in this season that I am in. Right now, it's hard. Right now, I've more than likely just found myself in the midst of the worst of it. But this is the moment where I need to fight. So, what does that look like? That means facing everyday like it is going to be a battle, perhaps even a war. I need to be guarded, and strong. It doesn't mean that I can't feel, or that I can't experience sadness. It just means that I completely have to surrender everything to the Lord, daily, and mean it.

I've never really made it to this point. By now, I would have already given up. And, although I think about giving up just about everyday, I refuse to. I still don't completely understand the purpose of all that I am experiencing, but I have learned to trust in God, not just with what I want to trust Him with, but with everything.

God is doing some crazy, incredible things in my life, and it's because of this season. So, for what it's worth, it's been worth it.

"Tell God you are ready to be offered;

then let the consequences be what they may,

there is no strand of complaint now, no matter what God chooses."

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

--
I am not sure what you're experiencing, or what season you are walking through. But, I do know this. No matter what battle you are fighting, when you get to a point where you say to yourself, "I want to quit, this is not what I thought it would be, this is just not worth it." Sit in that, present that to God. Remember that you do not see where the road is leading, but be thankful that there is a God who indeed does. And more than that, all He wants is what is best for you. So, when you want to flee, instead trust & be still. And, when there are moments or days where you feel you don't have the strength to keep fighting, that is okay. Take heart:

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

Exodus 14:14

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,
Brenda

Fight or Flight?

2012-02-06T17:58:00.001-08:00

[Warning: I might get a little bold here.]

Alright, you've decided to read on, I've warned you...

If you have been keeping up with my blogs for the last 2+ months, then you will know that I've been going through a particular "season" in life. I haven't really given any specifics as to what that season is, and I will choose to remain vague for the sake of protecting my heart, and not letting this blog become my online diary. Mondays usually have a rough start, but end on an extremely high note. For some reason, when I wake up on Mondays, I am reminded that while most of the rest of the world is starting their work week off, I am at home, jobless and have to face the fact that I am kind of in limbo right now. Thank the Good Lord for Monday nights, though. Every Monday night, I meet with three other wonderful, darling women, and we talk about life, Jesus and how the two go hand in hand. I always walk away feeling extremely encouraged, and enlightened. It's surely a blessing.

Today when I was getting ready to dive into my daily routine, (reading a chapter of the Bible - currently I am in the middle of 1 Corinthians, & I am going through the Epistles - the daily devotion from My Utmost For His Highest, and journaling) I was praying and asking God for some revelation as to what I am going through. It was a really neat moment, where I felt the Spirit speak directly to me. Lately I've been asking God the honest question of "why am I still going through this?". God reminded me of something today. This is usually the point of a tough season where I run, quit, flee, etc. Around the 2 month mark, when things get really difficult, I don't sit easy in it, and I take off. I've done it on numerous occasions. Up until this point, this season has proven to be extremely painful, but it has been manageable. Recently, it has felt like that, but on steroids. I've literally felt like I've had to fight to keep my head and heart above the surface, every single day. And, I hate it.

I hate feeling like I have no control.

I hate feeling like I am facing the flames just to get burned.

I want that guarantee of happiness in the end, I want to know that I am facing the flames for a purpose beyond just gaining strength and character.

That is the honest truth.

Then God reminded me, I am. There is so much purpose in this season that I am in. Right now, it's hard. Right now, I've more than likely just found myself in the midst of the worst of it. But this is the moment where I need to fight. So, what does that look like? That means facing everyday like it is going to be a battle, perhaps even a war. I need to be guarded, and strong. It doesn't mean that I can't feel, or that I can't experience sadness. It just means that I completely have to surrender everything to the Lord, daily, and mean it.

I've never really made it to this point. By now, I would have already given up. And, although I think about giving up just about everyday, I refuse to. I still don't completely understand the purpose of all that I am experiencing, but I have learned to trust in God, not just with what I want to trust Him with, but with everything.

God is doing some crazy, incredible things in my life, and it's because of this season. So, for what it's worth, it's been worth it.

"Tell God you are ready to be offered;

then let the consequences be what they may,

there is no strand of complaint now, no matter what God chooses."

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

I am not sure what you're experiencing, or what season you are walking through. But, I do know this. No matter what battle you are fighting, when you get to a point where you say to yourself, "I want to quit, this is not what I thought it would be, this is just not worth it." Sit in that, present that to God. Remember that you do not see where the road is leading, but be thankful that there is a God who indeed does. And more than that, all He wants is what is best for you. So, when you want to flee, instead trust & be still. And, when there are moments or days where you feel you don't have the strength to keep fighting, that is okay. Take heart:

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

Exodus 14:14

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,

Brenda

Unemployed

2012-02-02T14:18:00.000-08:00

Being unemployed has its perks. You get to go to bed and wake up whenever you want. Be the person who is completely available at all times, so hanging out with friends is pretty easy. Explore, read, write and do just about whatever your little heart desires.

But then, it also has its setbacks as well.

I think I have found myself in that second season of unemployment; the season where it's just downright frustrating.

I have been applying everyday for jobs, and so far the only place to get back to me was a scam. Sigh.

I am trying to stay positive, and continue to trust that God will provide an opportunity for me soon. I guess the 'right one' has not come along yet. I am beyond blessed and grateful to be receiving unemployment though. It's not a lot of money, by any means, but it is helping.

In the meantime, however, I am making it a point to be as productive as I can be. I refuse to allow this season to be one of laziness. I wake up every morning, have myself a cup of coffee, get into the Word (right now I am studying through the Epistles. It's grand!), read my daily devotional from My Utmost For His Highest, journal and then job hunt. I feel like hunting for a job is almost like a job; it usually takes up most of my morning and afternoon. I am glad I am in this routine though, because if it were any other way, I would feel like a bum. No offense, but that just ain't me.

I am still aiming for Financial Health for 2012! I am just going to have a late start on that one...

Northern Lights

2012-01-31T22:53:00.000-08:00

On my way to my small group meeting last night, I stopped by Starbucks to get a cup of coffee. It was a quick stop, but just enough time to hear one of the most beautiful sounds I've heard in a long time. It was a song I had never heard, but needed to know (you know, one of those songs). So, I of course Shazammed it. (Shazam is an iPhone app where you can 'tag' a song while you are listening to it, and it will tell you who the artist is and the song title. Pretty amazing.)

Today I remembered that I had discovered that artist, so I looked up the song on YouTube to see if they had a video of it. I also looked up the lyrics to see the words as I listened to the song. I don't know if it's because I am more emotional than usual, or because this song is simply just that beautiful, but watching this video made me tear up.

I hope you can find a similar enjoyment while listening/watching this.

"Northern Lights", Bowerbirds

"& i do need the wind across my pale face
& i do need the fern to unfurl in the spring
& i do need the grass to sway
yes i do need to know my place

but all i want is your eyes
in the morning as we wake
for a short while"

I am so anxious to make new music. I have so many ideas, I just need to get on it.

Surrender & Wait

2012-01-28T01:21:00.000-08:00

"Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do,

and He says we must not think about these things so as to make them the one concern of our life.

Whenever there is competition, be sure that you put your relationship to God first."

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest

----

My mentor, Sarah, and I have committed to reading through Oswald Chamber's My Utmost For His Highest everyday, and it has been such an encouragement to me. Today's reading was just what I needed. I logically comprehend that Jesus knows what I am going through, and He knows how this will all end. But, reading today's devotion reminded me, in my heart and soul, that He truly understands and feels with me as I am going through this. God knows best, because He knows all. He sees in all directions, so what a fool I'd be to want to have control over any area of my life.

So, here I am again, Dear Lord.

I surrender all to You. You know what is best for me,

& You know my circumstance better than I could ever know.

My desire is Your will above mine, always.

----

Surrender.
It's such a painful word, isn't it? I mean really, letting go of anything is never easy, because that very thing we are letting go is usually something we love, take pride in, enjoy, the list goes on...
For me, surrendering this means that I am trusting wholeheartedly that God's perfect plan for my life will be done. I do not want to get in the way of what God is doing, so I will surrender, release, let go and let God.

Surrender & Wait.

[repeat]

Dreams

2012-01-24T00:48:00.000-08:00

Last week during our small group meeting, I left being motivated to pray over my dreams and record them for the entire week.

This is something I've never done, and to be honest, I've never even thought about doing. Sure, I have had certain dreams that really stood out to me and led me to write them down. But this time it was different. Every night, I would pray before I went to sleep and ask the Lord to both protect my dreams and also to open up my dreams as a platform for Him to speak to me. The first few times I did it, I felt a little funny, not because I was uncomfortable or not confident that God could truly speak to me through my dreams, but because it was just something out of 'the norm' for me.

The morning after my first time doing this, I was amazed that I not only remembered my dreams from the night before, but I remembered them in full detail. This is huge, because I rarely even ever recall my dreams. So, before I could forget, I wrote them down. I am not sure if they held any significance, but the fact that I was able to remember them, made me so excited! So for the next week, I did this (almost) everyday.

I really want to make a strong habit of doing this. What a beautiful way for our God to speak to us! I am not doing this with the expectation that God is going to speak something profound to me in every dream, but it's awesome to be open to Him in that way.

It's already been neat to read through my dream journal and see the little and big things that God is doing in my life.

"For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it.

In a dream, in a vision of the night,
when deep sleep falls on men, while they slumber on their beds."
Job 33:14-15

---
Do you have a dream journal? Or, have you ever felt God speak to you through your dreams?

Seasons & Tunes

2012-01-19T13:18:00.000-08:00

I'm quite obsessed with this band called The Head & The Heart. [Brooke, I know you will agree!] A good friend of mine introduced me to them last year, and I instantly was hooked. It was not until more recently that I have actually listened to their full album, and my only regret is that it took me this long.

I think it's incredible how when we are going through specific seasons in our lives, that music can play such a key role. For me, music is more than just a tune or a list of words put together to make a song; music is a way for me to connect and see things in a different perspective. I can't completely explain it, but I believe music is a gift from God, and with that, it brings me pure joy.

There are several go-to artists that I have been listening to for the last several months. If you have never heard of them, I highly encourage you to give them a listen.

Bon Iver

[especially his latest self-titled album]

Sleeping At Last

The Head & The Heart

For now, I will leave you with an epic video by TH&TH. This song in particular has brought me a sense of unique comfort recently. A mixture of the words, the sounds and the simplicity of it all, I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

The Head and The Heart, "Rivers and Roads"

What are some of your go-to artists right now?

Experiencing Shalom

2012-01-14T23:55:00.000-08:00

"Shalom...It happens when we do the hardest work, the most secret struggle, the most demanding truth telling. In those moments of ferocity and fight, peace is born. Shalom arrives, and everything is new. And when you've tasted it, smelled it, fought for it, labored it into life, you'll give your soul to get a little more, and it is always worth it.
Shalom."
Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist
[emphasis mine]

This has been one of the slowest weeks I've experienced in a long time. On Tuesday morning, I went into oral surgery to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed. It was an interesting experience. I have been terrified for the last decade of this day happening, and to be honest, it was not all that bad. They had me take what they called a "happy pill" one hour before surgery. All I have to say is that within five minutes of taking that pill, I was pretty much gone. My memory from that point on is quite scarce, and very blurred. I guess they did their job well then.

Since Tuesday afternoon, I have been committed to my bed or the couch. I've slept for the majority of the last several days, and have been in between soft foods and Norco. Not the most exciting lifestyle, but it is proving to be a healthy recovery, so I really can't complain.

Having this time alone has really giving me the opportunity to just relax. I suppose this couldn't have come at a better time...

Since leaving LiNK, I haven't really felt like I have had much down time. I know that sounds crazy, considering I don't have a job, but with the holidays, and my best friend's birthday, and random hang outs here and there, I haven't really stopped to just stop in the last several weeks. I am eager to jump back into the swing of things next week (assuming I am fully recovered in the next couple of days). I am feeling rather positive about this season of life I am in, and I am ready to face the world! Okay, I know I sound like a cheesy Disney character right now, but I don't care. I am learning, especially in the season that I have been in, that you need to take advantage of every good & silly moment that life presents to you. Fully embracing these moments are what will get us through the tough, more painful moments. I can definitely attest to this.

...& now for an update on "My Year of Good Health":

Spiritual:

I have met with my new small group of girls twice so far, and am truly blessed immensely by them already. We are all so excited for what the Lord is going to do through all of us in this season. Having a few girls to consistently hold me accountable and ask me how I am (truly) doing, is such a blessing in this season. I am beyond grateful. We are starting to go through Mark and Grace Driscoll's book, Real Marriage. I am excited about this, and yes, I know I am not married, but it is for all people!
I had my first "meeting" with my new mentor, Sarah. I was a little nervous walking into it because we don't know each other very well, but within a few minutes of entering her adorable home and meeting her little boy, I immediately felt comfortable. Sarah is truly a God-send, I am confident of this. Having a mentor is something I've prayed for, and it's just remarkable to see God meet this need in my life, in this season. I am also excited to see where this relationship goes!
I've been reading through the book of Romans everyday, and that alone has been such an encouragement to me. There are days where the scriptures will truly speak to my life, and then there are days where I am just simply learning the Word more. I am kind of a (not-so-closet) Theology nerd. I really wish I could just go to seminary without paying thousands of dollars and also if I could just skip the whole undergrad thing...

Physical:

Well, I already knew this category would be my hardest. I haven't done much of anything to improve my physical health for 2012. But! It's constantly on my mind, so that is good, right? I took my niece on a nice bike ride, while I rollerbladed last week and that was really neat. I definitely want to do more of those types of activities. I also went rock climbing with some new friends last week. That. Was. Intense. Let me tell you! I am pretty sure that I am still sore from that day. It was extremely fun and challenging, so I would love to do that more often as well. Let's just say, I am a work in progress in this area of "good health" ... :)

Emotional:

I am still meeting with my counselor/therapist once a week, and each week I've gained so much from our sessions. For the last 6 weeks, we have had a main focus and topic of discussion which pertains to the season that I keep saying I am in. This has been incredibly helpful and encouraging. I think we are heading in a different direction now, which is alright by me. We are discussing career possibilities and beginning to focus on the next season of my life. It pumps me up!
I have continued to journal (almost) daily. Sometimes, like this week because of my recovery, I have missed a few days. I am so glad that I have been journaling though. It's been so helpful to process my day to day emotions and thoughts, and also my victories and struggles. I also just realized, this is the longest conseecutive amount of time that I've journaled (2 months! Whoo-hoo!).

Financial:

As of today, I am in zero debt - well, sort of. All of my debt is now to my mother, which don't get me wrong, it doesn't feel all that great. But, not being in debt to a credit card is one of the best feelings in the world. My mother is a big, big blessing in my life, and I am grateful for her. Financial freedom! Praise the Good Lord.
I received a notification that I qualify for unemployment. This is a huge relief as well. It won't be much, but it will be enough.
I am still in need of a job. I am not sure what field I want to go into, but I am definitely open to wherever God wants me. Taking suggestions, dear friends! ;)

That is about all for now. I know this was a rather long post, but that is what I get for not updating that often.

I hope you are all enjoying this new year, 2012 is proving to be a great, refreshing one.

2012: The Year of Good Health

2012-01-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

Initially, I was not going to write a New Year's blog, then it was not long before I threw that out the window...

I've never been much of a "resolutions" type of gal, so I am not going to change that now. However, I do love new starts, do-overs and fresh beginnings, so with the ringing in of the new year, I figured I should come up with a few things I would like to see come into fruition in 2012.

I don't know about you, but most of my good ideas come to me when I am in the shower. So, the other day this is what came to me when I was reflecting on 2011 and looking ahead into 2012. The word that kept coming to me was "health". Then I broke it down into specific areas of my life that I would like to focus more of my attention and time on:

Spiritual Health

Emotional Health

Physical Health

Financial Health

I think 2012 will be my year of good health. There are lots of things that I have been putting off, or have put on hold in my life in these areas, and this year will be my chance at starting over, and really taking care of myself.

Here are a few ways that I will be working on these areas.

Spiritual Health

Start meeting with a mentor. This is something I have been desiring and praying about for years. I am so grateful that the Lord has answered this prayer, and am so excited to get this started!
Small Group. This is something I've tried and tried several times, with several different groups. I want this time to be different, and I really want to commit to meeting on a regular basis with this group. Even if it's just two, or three of us, there is so much to be gained when meeting with a group of Godly sisters, and walking life together.
Continually be in the Word and read a few solid Christian books (taking recommendations!).

Emotional Health

Counseling/Therapy. This is my first time publicly stating that I meet with a therapist every week. I've refrained from putting on my blog for small reasons, but I guess there is no point in keeping that in. I really felt I was at a point in my life that seeking some Godly, professional guidance would really benefit me. I started meeting weekly with my therapist a month ago, and have already seen tremendous growth. I am really glad I made the decision to do this, and am not in the least bit ashamed. I encourage anyone reading this, if you are contemplating seeing a therapist, do it. It's so refreshing and truly encouraging. My counselor is Christian, and everything he offers me is founded on prayer and the Word. I am not sure how much longer we will be meeting, but for now it is truly a blessing!
Journaling. This is something I am really good at starting and not finishing. I guess that is why I have a blog. I want to change this though. I've been journaling pretty consistently for the last month, and I want to take that into the new year with me. The truth is, putting your inner thoughts and emotions down on paper, where only you and the Lord can see it, is such a powerful thing. It's great to look back on things I wrote and see how much I have changed and grown. I really believe this will help me in this transitional season and also better my emotional health.
Do things that make me smile. The little, the big and the in between things. Life is way too short to just live to work, or stick to a routine. I am finding that taking a different route home than I usually do, or trying a new food, watching an old movie, listening to a new artist, these little things bring me a unique happiness, and I can see how it's effected me in a great way.
Invest more in my relationships. This is something I've been so excited about for the new year. Working at LiNK was extremely time consuming (and I loved all of it, no regrets!), but now that I am more available, I really want to invest in the people I love. Really be available to walk life with them, and just love them better.

Physical Health

I honestly don't even know where to begin on this one. I have never, ever been one to have a daily exercise routine or consistently eat healthy foods. But, in the midst of seeing my fellow bloggers talk about their NY's goals, I came across this photo and it truly knocked me on face.

[Source: http://reasonstobefit.tumblr.com/]

It's incredibly true. The only person that is being harmed by my poor eating and exercise habits is ME. And, my health is not my mom's responsibility or my friends, it's MINE. So, I really want 2012 to be different in this area. Like I said, I don't even know where to begin, and I don't even know how to get healthier, so again, I am taking reccommendations and suggestions ;)

Financial Health

Be as close to debt free by December 31st, 2012 as possible. I am working on a budget right now, and it's kind of difficult since I don't have a job yet, but I am confident that this will be the year I become financially healthy and stable. Working at LiNK was difficult for financial reasons. I don't regret it at all, but working for close to nothing when you have bills and credit cards, is far from easy. But, working at LiNK also taught me to live simplistically. I will take this great lesson with me wherever I go. I am so grateful for that.
God is beyond faithful in providing for me. As of this week, by the grace of God and the help of my dear mother, I will be "debt free" to my bills and credit card companies. I will still be paying for all of my debt, just minus the interest, so I will just be paying my mother. I literally had been praying over this stress for a month, and I am so thankful that I can enter into this new year without that financial burden. When my mom said she would help me, I literally broke down and cried. I am determined to save money (I don't even care if it is $20 a month), and truly be a good steward of my money.

That about sums up my goals to become a healthier person over all for the 2012 year. I am extremely excited for this new year, and in the many ways I believe God will be at work in my life. I have no job, no real home, and no idea what is next for me, yet I feel so much peace and joy in my life! Praise Jesus for His overwhelming love, amen?

Cheers to new beginnings and fresh starts, friends!

Happily Saying Goodbye to 2011

2011-12-30T17:44:00.000-08:00

“Wounding and healing are not opposites. They're part of the same thing. It is our wounds that enable us to be compassionate with the wounds of others. It is our limitations that make us kind to the limitations of other people. It is our loneliness that helps us to to find other people or to even know they're alone with an illness. I think I have served people perfectly with parts of myself I used to be ashamed of. ” -Rachel Naomi Remen

As I reflect on 2011 and that happened, I begin to feel overwhelmed. Last New Year's Eve I remember thinking, "2010 was a terribly difficult year, 2011 is going to be different." Well, 2011 proved itself to be just as difficult, if not even more difficult than 2010. I completely understand that this year was difficult partially because of my decisions, which is why I think it is so important to reflect and make changes.

One thing I am realizing as I reflect on what my year looked like, is that the circumstances I encountered and experienced are all a part of my story. They have made me who I am today, and they have shaped me into who I want to be in 2012. I also see them as opportunities to speak into other people's lives who are possibly experiencing something similar to what I've been through. I pray that my life can be an example to those around me, of grace & forgiveness, of start-over's & repentance. But more than all of that, I pray that people will look at my life and see the Lord at work; to see how He has redeemed me, and changed my life.

Here's to 2012, I have no idea what to expect. I think I am done expecting what the entire year will hold, but instead, I will take it one day at a time. I know that this year will be different, because I am different.

Farewell Fall 2011 Nomads

2011-12-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

I am sure all of you know by now that I have spent nearly three years working for the non-profit organization, LiNK|Liberty in North Korea. More specifically, I have spent the last 18 months on staff as a Regional Manager, where I work alongside another RM in managing all the Nomads (traveling representatives for LiNK) and booking our tours. I have had the honor of working alongside the most amazing people I have ever met, and have seen Nomads be stretched, grown and completely changed, for the better. I can't think of a more rewarding job, and it's going to be hard leaving LiNK behind, come this Thursday.

On Sunday, we had a farewell dinner for all of our Fall 2011 Nomads and Interns. It was such a beautiful time to gather together and reflect on this past semester. History was also made last night. While we were all gathered together in one room, we got news that Kim Jong-il passed away. It was a crazy moment, in which I don't think any of us will ever forget. [I'll definitely be blogging about KJI's death in my next blog...]

This was my third farewell dinner, and they're always pretty emotional for me. This one was especially emotional for me. Not only was I saying goodbye to a group of individuals who have radically impacted my life, I was saying goodbye to this season of my life as well. With that being said, I had a strong feeling that I would get emotional when speaking to the Nomads, so I planned ahead and wrote out what I was going to say. I wanted to share it on my blog so that you guys can have a glimpse into what these amazing individuals sacrifice just to do what they believe in. I hope you can be inspired by them, and maybe, just maybe it will challenge you to think about what you're passionate about as well.

To all of the individuals I've had the pleasure of working alongside these last few years, this is for you. May you never forget what you've done for LiNK, this cause and especially for the North Korean people. Be blessed, and keep fighting, always keep fighting.

------------------

“I hope that you all love where you work, and love what you do. For me, this is my 15th job, and so far it's the only one that has truly mattered to my heart. Figuring out what you're passionate about, and then finding a job that allows you to pursue that passion, is one of the biggest gifts in life. If you don't have that yet, don't stop searching for it; don't compromise. If you do have this, don't let it get old; don't take it for granted. What you're passionate about is what defines your "good fight" - this is what life is truly about.” [Taken from a blog entry I wrote several weeks ago as I was reflecting on my time ending with LiNK...]

I look around this room and I see the faces of individuals who have loved selflessly and sacrificed greatly. You each put your lives on hold to dive into an experience that did not promise to be easy, or comfortable. You signed up for a semester of unknown outcomes, the open road and a season of constantly being placed outside of what you’ve always known to be home. Each of you fought for something that you believed in, and that is what pushed you through the moments where you wanted to give up.

Don’t forget that.

The world is full of people that will try and tell you what they think you should and shouldn’t do. They’ll tell you you’re crazy, illogical and outright stupid for fighting for what you’re passionate about.

Don’t let them.

And, sometimes you yourself will be your own worst critic and enemy. You might make a few mistakes, hit a couple of bumps along the way of trying to fight for what you love. In those moments of what you see as failures, know that they are simply just moments of growth & experience. You have not failed.

Don’t let yourself fall victim of your own insecurities. You are a work in progress, and that is a beautiful thing.

My hope for all of you is that you never live a satisfied life. Because once you are satisfied, you stop trying; you sit still & and you stop thinking about how you can love better and serve more. Instead, I hope that you have monumental moments in life, like the one you just experienced, and allow those moments to push you to be even stronger & more loving towards others.

No matter where this next season of life takes you, I hope that you continue fighting. Fight for what you believe in, and fight for what you’re passionate about. This life is short, and the time is now. Don’t wait to pursue your passions for when you get a degree, or find that career job. Do it now. Everyday is an opportunity to love selflessly and live passionately. Not only in the big things, but the small ones too.

Each of you have taught me something, and have forever impacted my life. Thank you for being a part of my story with LiNK, and thank you for reminding me that even beyond this chapter of my life, I can and will continue to pursue love and passion as my “good fight”.

I hope that if you have not found what your “good fight” is, that you never stop trying to find it. Your life is a gift, and you have the privilege to live it - don’t lose sight of that. After you leave here, continue to use your life as a means to make this world a better place. Remember what you’ve experienced, and don’t ever let anyone minimize all that you’ve done, not even yourself.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight.

It will be a struggle, but friends, it is a good fight.

Waiting

2011-12-10T17:51:00.001-08:00

"Beloved, when we are brought to a thirsting condition, we are sure to turn to the fountain of life with eagerness." Charles Spurgeon

Wait,

Remain. Rest. Stop. Halt. Pause. Anticipate. Yearn.

Oh, how all of these words ring so true in my life right now. I never realized how being in a season of waiting can really make your life seem as if it is being played in slow motion. It's as if you're in the middle of a Checker game (I feel like Chess would be a more appropriate analogy, but I don't know how to play Chess, so I'll stick to Checkers), and you are waiting on your opponent to make their move, but they pause the game to go on vacation. You know they'll be back, eventually, but you really can't make your next move until you see what they do. So, you wait.

Sure, that example is silly, but that is exactly how I feel in life right now. Normally I would be filled with frustration and anxiety, but instead of leaning into those dissatisfying emotions, I am leaning into Jesus and His Word. Never has the Word of God been so refreshing and relevant to my life than it is now. There are so many scriptures and passages that speak about waiting.

"Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who wait for the Lord."

Psalm 31:24

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:25

As Spurgeon says, "we are brought to a thirsting condition", and I believe that is exactly the place I am in. Every night, every morning, I find myself still waiting. Although at times it can be so defeating, I find myself going straight to the Lord for strength and comfort. The truth is, I've surrendered all that I am to Him, and have asked Him to take control over my life, so I have to be reminded of this. I am in good hands, in fact, I am in the best of hands.

I encourage you to continue to pursue patience and righteousness, if you find yourself in a season of waiting. Don't try to escape it, don't try to run from it. I've done all of those things far too many times, and I am done with taking that route. I am now on the path of waiting, and seeking Jesus, daily. His will over mine, at all times.

I wait because I've been called to do so, but I also wait because there is something in front of me that is worth waiting for. Stay focussed in the season that you're in, there is purpose.

"My goal is God Himself, by any cost, dear Lord, by any road."

She & Him Christmas Album Review

2011-12-08T20:12:00.001-08:00

*This is only my second CD review that I've done, but I really enjoy doing them. I did a review of A Very She & Him Christmas for my church's blog. Enjoy!

Every year during the Christmas season I am always curious to see what holiday albums will come about. Some artists will just regurgitate what has already been done, while some artists take a what was once a holiday classic and offer their own spin to it. That is exactly what She & Him did with their A Very She & Him Christmas album. From beginning to end, this album offers a consistent, tranquil and classic sound that will please both their indie and jazz fans out there.

When this album came out, I knew I needed to hear it. Being a huge fan of Zooey’s endearing vocals, I expected nothing less with this album. I am glad to say that Zooey and M. Ward met my expectations with this album. They took 12 holiday classics and offered a refreshing and refined tune to the holiday songs we grew up listening to. With classics such as “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”, “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”, you will find yourself humming along with Zooey and M. Ward.

Zooey’s vocals accompanied by M. Ward’s simple yet sweet strums make for a wonderful melodious Christmas album. Overall, if you are looking for a fresh Christmas album to wrap your presents to or enjoy a cup of coffee and a good read with background music to create the right mood, A Very She & Him Christmas is the perfect album for you. Choosing to end their album with the classic, “The Christmas Song” was, in my opinion, their best decision. I think most people will find their rendition of this song to be a new favorite.

And, what is better than a great Christmas album? A great Christmas album that supports a great cause! A portion of profits from every album sold is being donated to 826 National, which is a non-profit organization that provides resources for eight writing and tutoring centers in the US.

May your ears be enlightened and your heart soothed by the beautiful sounds and harmonies of She & Him this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas!

18 More Days

2011-12-05T22:42:00.001-08:00

"Though our bills were only barely met,

our hearts were plenty whole.

When everything around us changed, we felt okay.

No learning curve could ever bend us too far out of shape.

When darkness was the price of light, we weren't afraid.

For the time we've spent was more than worth

any interest that we've paid."

Sleeping At Last, "Learning Curve"

18 more days.

In 18 days, I will be out of a job. I will not have an income, and I won't have to commute to Torrance Monday through Friday, 9am to 5pm. I won't have a reason to set my alarm in the morning, and I won't have to think of what I want to bring for lunch. I won't have to make a "to-do list" to keep me on task. I won't have a deadline to meet, and I won't have to have Google Calendar alerts pop up on my phone reminding me of a meeting I have. I won't have to have my phone glued to my side just in case a Nomad calls or texts me in an emergency. I won't have to live each day hoping and praying that my Nomads are safe while they are out on the road. In 18 days, I will no longer have any of these things.

But, it is so much more than that to me.

In 18 days, I will lose a huge part of my life, and I will be saying farewell to my family. I will have to let go of something I have committed the last year and half, 24/7 to. Most people don't understand it, as much as they try to. My "job" as a Regional Manager is something that provides an income and a title, but neither of those things mean as much to me as what my job entails. In 18 days, I have to say goodbye to my passion.

How many people can say they truly love their job? I know that prior to working full-time for LiNK, I could never truly say this. Never have I ever loved something so much, that even in the midst of wanting to throw in the towel, my love for what I do gave me the strength to push through.

18 more days until I say goodbye to a movement that impacted my life more than I ever thought or imagined.

To anyone I have ever met through, worked with, managed, walk alongside during my time at LiNK, thank you. Thank you for giving me so much motivation to walk through this world with the hope that change can happen, and it only takes a group of passionate individuals who are dedicated to seeing good overpower evil. It is because of you that I am able to say in 18 days I will walk out those doors with confidence and pride of where I came from. I will be so honored to explain to my future employer who LiNK is, and the work that I had the privilege to do.

Although I will no longer be employed at LiNK in 18 days, I will still fight for the freedom of the North Korean people, and I will continue fighting for love to overcome hate, and I will continue to Fight the Good Fight.

Here's to the next 18 days,

Brenda

Honesty

2011-11-28T12:34:00.001-08:00

Honesty.

What a concept? I am not necessarily referring to the kind of honesty where you just tell the truth, or even being honest with those around you, but being honest with yourself, now that's a concept.

I've spent the last several weeks of my life consistently journaling about my day to day emotions. The ups, the downs, the in betweens. I've learned a lot from just putting pen to paper and reflecting. I've come to the conclusion that I need to be more honest with myself. It's a scary thing, isn't it?

On that note... I've always thought by 24, I'd have everything figured out, that I would be all grown up and mature. I'd still like to think that despite my flaws and hardships that I am still mature, but I think I have realized that there is still so much more work to be done. I am not sure how I feel about this, either. It's quite uncomfortable to think that at 24 years old I am not done growing up, but I am beginning to realize and accept that as long as I am alive, I will never stop growing, and with that, I'll never stop growing up.

I am left to ask myself, why is it so difficult for me to be honest with myself, and sometimes even with others? Now again, I am not a pathological liar, or even a fibb-er at all, so I am good, right? No. Keeping your thoughts and emotions inside is also another form of being dishonest, it just appears to be more attractive than lying. I am not sure where I learned this. I am hoping to figure that out though. When I am going through something difficult, I tend to want to deal with it by myself because I don't want to burden someone else. This always ends up getting me into trouble. It's so refreshing when I open up to my closest friends, and they blow me away with their response. The truth is, people do care. You are usually your own worst critic and worst enemy. If any of my friends came to me with something they were struggling through, I'd want to be completely available for them, no matter what. So why do I think that my "problems" are any different?

I'm beginning to see that they aren't.

This life is not meant to be walked through alone. God has placed certain people along your path to help you through life's circumstances. Some people serve as listeners, some as people who offer wisdom and advice. Others will pray for you and hold you accountable, while others will do anything to just make you laugh. I have friends of all sorts, and am so grateful.

So, here's to life and all of it's beauty and trials. I'll admit, at times I feel like I've hit rock bottom and that I have to start from scratch, but the wonderful thing about God's character is that you will never experience rock bottom alone.

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

Exodus 14:14

Breathe in today's goodness and grace, and remember, if you are still here, there is purpose for your life.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,

Lord knows it's a struggle, but friends, it is a Good Fight.

A Beautiful Conviction

2011-11-13T13:55:00.001-08:00

“Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.” Colossians 2:6-8

We live in a world that is constantly trying to influence the way we think, act and feel. At times, it can be the most challenging thing to look at what those around us believe and not count it as truth. These are the moments that I am so grateful for the Word of God. It is verses like Colossians 2:6 that remind us we are rooted and built up in Christ and that we are not to allow the things of this world to deceive us.

Although this is an encouraging verse, I also believe it is a warning to us as believers. Paul is informing us that we need to be strong in the Lord and we need to walk in him. There will be things, people and ideas that will deceive us, and if we are not strong enough in our own beliefs, we will be swayed. We see this all throughout scripture, and it is truly a conviction for me, personally. When I am struggling through something, or battling a sin in my life, I am convicted to look at my walk with God, and I will usually discover that I was lacking in my connection with God in a certain area. This is something we all face in different seasons as believers. It is for this reason that God both warns and encourages us in His Word that these times will come, and we need to be prepared for them.

God never promised us that a life of following after Him would be easy, however He has equipped us with tools to strengthen and bless us through those battles.

Remember, when you are convicted of something in your life, seek God in that moment, and ask Him to reveal to you the areas in your life that need strengthening. He is so good to us, and wants to build us up to be strong men and women who are rooted in Him. Conviction is the start to a beautiful, growing time in the Lord - embrace it, and fall into it with Jesus, and He will be faithful to teach you and bless you through it.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,

Brenda

Transitions

2011-10-22T00:03:00.000-07:00

"Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life."  
-Herbert Otto

I have approximately 2 months left until my contract with LiNK comes to an end. It's something that I've known was coming for quite some time now, but more now than ever before, I've realized how much of a bittersweet time this will be. I am really looking forward to wrapping up this "chapter" of my life, as hard as it might be, and seeing what God has in store for me.

The most popular question people ask me is, "what's next?". I wish I knew that answer, but I honestly have no idea. I am beginning to do some research into a few different fields that I'm interested in, as well as starting to think about several different scenarios and options for what January could look like for me. I think it's important that I keep an open mind throughout all of this. I want to be able to allow God to lead me where He wants. Following His will is so much better than doing what I want. As much as this has taken me a long time to realize, I am so blessed to have realized this now.

This quote really represents the season of life I am in right now. I am ready to dive in to the unknown, and to risk it all, even if it's just for the growing experience.

Although I am looking forward and beginning to plan for "what's next", I don't want to lose sight of where I am right now. I still have two months left with LiNK, and there is still lots of work to be done. I am beyond grateful for the experience I've had with LiNK so far, so I definitely want to stay connected and stay present. Here are the few things I will be focussing on in the next two months:

- Remain available for the Nomads that I am managing. I want to make sure that although I am going through some transitions, that they still have a manager who is available for them.
- Continue to give 110% everyday that I am at work.
- Not take the amazing, inspiring people I work with for granted. Never have I ever worked with such great individuals who have all sacrificed so much to do the work they do. I know this will be something so hard to let go of once I leave.
- Be a servant and a friend to those around me. I still have so much to give, and I want to leave LiNK knowing that I've given all that I have to give.
- Not leave with any regrets, or "I wish I would have's".

I hope that you all love where you work, and love what you do. For me, this is my 15th job, and so far it's the only one that has truly mattered to my heart. Figuring out what you're passionate about, and then finding a job that allows you to pursue that passion, is one of the biggest gifts in life. If you don't have that yet, don't stop searching for it; don't compromise. If you do have this, don't let it get old; don't take it for granted.What you're passionate about is what defines your "good fight" - this is what life is truly about.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,
Brenda

Yes, I'm Still Alive

2011-09-27T22:22:00.000-07:00

It's been over a month since I last blogged. This usually happens when I go into "tour season" at work.
This will be short.
I'm alive, happy, strong & determined.
God is great, I am learning a ton about myself, my passion(s) and who I am aiming to become.
I plan on getting back into writing often, so your patience and grace is appreciated.
Much love to all of you,
Bren

Smile, there's always something to be happy about. <3

It's That Time Again...

2011-08-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

Where bags live under my eyes, gray hairs are sprouting up, getting home in the late of the night and waking up earlier than the birds - looking in the mirror and asking the important question, "How can I make this 'I just rolled out of bed, slept for 6 hours, and I'm still wearing the same makeup from yesterday' look work?".

Where passion and hope are what drive me through my day, and the sounds of typing and phones ringing are music to my ears.

It's tour season at LiNK, and things are about to get real crazy. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it, though. Well, I could probably do without the lack of sleep, but hey it's all part of it.

I think this time is more special for me, because it's my final tour as a Regional Manager. This is my third tour as an RM, and I finish in December. Everything Leah and I do with this group of Nomads is memorable, because it's the final time. It's surreal.

With all of that, I am so grateful for this experience and opportunity that I've had for the last few years with LiNK. I couldn't have asked for a better group of Nomads to go out with.

So, here's to the final round. Let's go out with a bang, team.

What's In Your Cup?

2011-08-23T00:35:00.000-07:00

The Garden of Gethsemane was not only a garden where olives were pressed, but it was a garden where through His Son, God shows us how deeply connected He is with humanity. Jesus, soon before He knew He was to be betrayed and crucified, took His disciples with Him to the Garden of Gethsemane. This was a place for Jesus to meet with His Father and come face to face with the reality of what was in front of Him.

Out of extreme sorrow, Jesus cries out to God,
“Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will.”

Jesus was pressed, distressed and troubled. The cup that was given to Him was weighing on Him so heavily, but through the anguish He experienced, He presented His cup to God with an honest heart. The story of Gethsemane is God’s way of letting us know He gets it; He understands the battles we face because He has been there.

God has placed a specific calling on all of our lives and with that He has assigned us all a cup.

This cup may be hard to accept at times because of where it will lead us. This cup may cause us to question God and His will. This cup may be the very thing that makes us to want to fight, flight or freeze in stressful times. But, it’s about leaning and trusting into this cup, because the same God who gave Jesus the cup of sacrifice, gave you a specific cup as well. Take this cup, embrace it, be confident in it, because through carrying this cup, you are walking in the way of the Lord, and that is the most beautiful decision you could ever make.

Go into this week knowing that the cup you’ve been handed does not deny troubles, stress or sorrow – but it promises life, peace and restoration. When your cup brings you stress, surrender that to the Lord and instead of asking that it would be removed, ask Him to get you through it.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,
Brenda

Wake Up, Today Awaits You

2011-08-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

There’s a line in this book I’ve been reading called Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist that has changed my life. She concludes her chapter “On Waiting” by saying this profound phrase:

“You are more than dust and bones.
You are spirit and power and image of God.
And you have been given Today.”

That last sentence really hit home for me, and more recently it has been stirring within my heart. We have been given Today. It’s fascinating to think about how waking up to a new day, every day, is so expected. I am guilty of going through my weeks feeling as if I were owed this life and that I have somehow “earned” tomorrow, so I expect it. This is another societal misconception that so many of us have fallen victim to. Scripture tells us something unique about “tomorrow."

In James 4:13-15 we read,

“Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.”

Here we see that tomorrow is not promised; therefore, when we wake up to a new day, we should realize that it is a gift from God. Now, this is something I am struggling through in the current season I am in. If in fact each day has been given to me, then why am I not living as if it were? Why am I complaining about sitting in traffic on my morning drive to work? Why do I get frustrated that I don’t have "this or that"? Why am I comparing my life to that person's life? I have been given Today by God. My actions should reflect that I am blessed rather than as if I’ve been somehow condemned.

Here’s the kicker: God did not just give us Today, He actually wants us to do something with it, and He wants us to glorify Him in all that we do. I think that is a pretty awesome trade off, don’t you? God has equipped and gifted us with talents and passions, and He wants us to use every day that He chooses to give to us to do something with them! I truly believe that if we choose to wake up every day with the perspective that today was given to us by God and challenge ourselves to live as if we actually believed that, then this world would be such a better place.

Brothers and sisters, I ask you to join me in this daily challenge: how will we choose to make the most of this gift that is Today? I pray that God would be glorified in each of us as we seek to make the most of this precious gift that is called life.

Wake up, -- Today awaits you.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,
Brenda

Kingdom Bound?

2011-08-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight ROCKHARBOR Fullerton was challenged to ask ourselves what are we trying to take with us into the Kingdom of God?

Let’s face it, we live in a society that tells us to be selfish, live outside of your means because ‘you deserve this or that’, and to do whatever you want because ‘that’s all that matters in life’. I always find it fascinating that more often than not, whatever we’ve been taught to do by society, scripture will teach us to turn away from. Jesus is very direct in telling us that if we want eternal life with Him, we need to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him. As you can see, our culture and the Bible don’t necessarily see eye to eye on these things.

You have to make the decision, and I believe it’s a daily decision, whom do you want to serve; Jesus or yourself? The “rich, young ruler” in Mark 10:17 had to make this decision. After hearing what Jesus said he needed to sacrifice in order to receive eternity, he chose to serve himself. When we ask Jesus what we need to do to receive eternal life, He will tell us to give up whatever it is that holds us back from Him. For this man, it was all of his possessions; he was not willing to sacrifice those. For us, it can look completely different. We need to examine the areas in our lives that we are holding onto so tightly. Are there areas in your life that are preventing you from taking up your cross and denying yourself? These are the things that won’t enter into the Kingdom, so it’s time to let them go.

There is a song titled “Something New” by an amazing local worship band, Reveal, that speaks volumes to this idea of sacrifice. This specific line has become such an anthem in the current season I am in.

Whatever it takes, God, show me Your ways
I’m willing to waste what this world has to offer
For infinite grace. God, you bore my shame,
Won’t make the mistake of living like I’m my own.

Brothers and Sisters, let us all join together in laying down everything in exchange of Jesus becoming the everything in our lives.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,
Brenda

The Heart

2011-08-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, several months ago I started writing devotionals for the website Christ Core. Recently, I also started blogging for my church, Rock Harbor (Fullerton campus). The idea behind blogging for RH is to recap the sermon on Sunday, give my input and present a challenge I am going to start posting my devos/blogs on my personal blog, in hopes that it will encourage all of you! Also, please feel free to give me any feedback; I am an amateur writer, so I could always use advice! Thank you!

Here is the first blog I wrote for Rock Harbor:

----

Sometimes I have to remind myself that as a Christian, the relationship God desires to have with me looks very different from what the people of this world want with me. The various levels of relationships I have with people, whether those be with the barista at Starbucks (who provides me with my daily dose of Iced Green Tea), or my best friend whom I can call my sister, still don’t even compare to what Jesus wants from me. We live in a society where we are told to ‘save face’, and leave honesty for our diaries. It has almost become a rarity that people truly want to know how we are doing when they ask. But Jesus, He cares. Not only does he care, but He goes as far as to demand honesty of us. He is not about the ‘fruit’ as much as He is about our hearts. This is where our relationship with our peers differs from what our relationship with God looks like.

When Jesus talks about ‘the heart’, He always means business. In Mark 7:20-24, He is addressing the disciples and makes it very clear that every action bleeds from the heart.

“And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

Now, back to that honesty thing. It’s an interesting concept – Jesus wanting us to be honest with Him. The God who is omniscient wants us to be bare-bones honest with Him. Not just with how we feel, and what we desire, but with our sin as well. It is within our honest prayers and confessions that God can begin to cleanse and strengthen us. We can be spiritually chained by the sins of our heart when we do not release them to the Lord. It is in our darkest times that Jesus is asking us to simply be honest with ourselves and more importantly, with Him.

Which brings us all to the big question, “how aware are we of our heart?”. My pastor, Steve Carter, presented us with this question on Sunday, and it’s been stirring in my brain ever since. The way in which we answer this question will give us more insight as to why we do the things we do. Just as Paul talks about in Romans 7, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”
When we become in tune and honest with where our hearts are at, we will have a better understanding of our ‘fruit’.

Brothers and sisters, we have to become honest with our Creator if we want real, sustainable change in our spiritual life. God is in the business of transforming the heart, because as our hearts are purified so will our fruit be.

Let us be honest before God today in the battles we are facing, and the faults within our hearts. Be encouraged, be blessed.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,
Brenda

It's Okay, I'm Young.

2011-08-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

Isn't that phrase interesting? I was thinking about that today. I remember being in my teens and thinking "I am so young. When I am older, I'll worry about this and that, it doesn't matter right now" . And now, I am older; I am at that age where I have to start thinking about "those" things.

Slightly frightening.

So, what are those things?

-Who will I marry, and when will that be?
-What will my career be, or at least my next job?
-How will I pay that one bill this month?
-Should I invest in a new car?
-Will I ever be able to save money?
-Do I really want to go the rest of my life without a college education?
-At what age is it okay to still wear skinny jeans?

... Okay, that last one was just to make you laugh. But seriously, these are honest questions I would think of every now and again when I was in high school, but would quickly dismiss because at that time, it was not relevant. I am now 24 years old; is this the time where I need to start answering these questions?

These thoughts can become extremely overwhelming, and even at times discouraging. But, now more than ever before, I have such a strong faith that God has everything under control. It's hard to believe that in certain moments, but the great thing about being older is that my relationship with God is not just something that is convenient, or expected by my community; it's my way of living. It's the only way of living for me.

I don't know if you are in a similar place as me, but take heart, your age is simply just a number, but it's okay to start thinking about what your answers might be to these questions. But, if you don't have those answers yet, don't worry, keep pursuing God's will for your life, and He'll deliver. He always does.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,
Brenda

Oh, the Wonderful World of Blogging

2011-07-12T22:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and was going through my twitter newsfeed when I noticed that I was featured on Sometimes Sweet Blog! Guys, I can't even explain how excited I was when I saw this! Call me a little giddy girl, I'll take it, but it was just such an honor! If you aren't following Danielle's Blog, you need to! She is a huge reason why I have a love for the blogging world. She rocks, and has lots of great things to say, so go check her out!

Every Tuesday she does a post called "Tattoo Tuesday", where she will feature an individual who has tattoos and asks them a series of questions about what they mean, when they got them, what they are, etc. I always look forward to seeing who she will feature, so it was awesome to see myself up on the 'big screen' this week!

--->Here is the post!<---

----

Onto other news! My month long sabbatical came to an end Sunday night and I returned back to work on Monday. It's been great being back at the office, but it's definitely taking some adjusting. It's going to be a great, crazy, stretching next 6 months until my contract with LiNK ends. I can't even believe it! To think, this December, it's all over. No more LiNK. No more Nomads. No more tours. What will I do next? That is the big question. Now if only I can find the answer...

This last weekend was a great way to end my vacation. It was my 24th Birthday! I had an amazing day. I was able to celebrate with so many great people. During the day, we all met up at Heritage Park in Cerritos. Great park, definitely go if you haven't! We had a potluck/picnic style lunch and the weather was beautiful. I LOVE themed parties, so I ended up going with something basic, yet fun: "Plaid Theme". It was so great to see everyone come in their sweet plaid attire! I loved it! We also played a couple games of kickball, which was SO much fun!! It definitely gave me the hunger to get out more and be active. Anyone want to start a kickball league?! :) I love my friends, I really have the best ones, just saying. Then that night a smaller group of us went out to happy hour and had a lot of fun. Just all around good times, good faces. So, I can genuinely say turning 24 was not the worst thing in the world, in fact, I've grown to love it!

A special thanks to all who played a special part in making my birthday such a great one. Whether you just showed up, you made me a gift, you bought me a drink, sent me a text, whatever you did, thank you. I will never take those things for granted, and I feel so very special. Thank you, I love you all!

Here are some pictures from that special day -

That is all for now, I hope you are all having a fabulous week! It's still summer, go get out there and have yourself an adventure :)

Update on my Sabbatical Goals

2011-07-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I wrote out 30 things I wanted to accomplish while on my 30 day Sabbatical from work. This post is an update on my progress so far! I go back to work this Monday, so I hope I can accomplish a few more things off of this list!

1. Finish reading Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist
~~2. Go on a vacation~~
3. Swim in the ocean (it's been FOUR years since I have been in the ocean. Time to face my fears!)
4. Go surfing for the first time
5. Go on several bike rides
6. Make a day trip (by train) to LA
7. Learn to celebrate turning 24, rather than dreading it. I want to do something different this year, so let's see how it goes!
8. Write more music
~~9. Paint. Paint. Paint!~~
10. Spend time with my niece
~~11. Perform with Pilgrims [my band] :) open mics, or shows, doesn't matter to me~~
12. Blog/write more
13. Try a new food/restaurant
~~14. Read & Study scripture more~~
~~15. Find a bathing suit that I love and that 'loves me' - comfortable, and I feel comfortable in~~
16. Start a new hobby
17. Cook at least one 'good' meal for my friends
~~18. Take lots of photos~~
~~19. Properly take care of my skin. I've definitely slacked on this, time to break that habit!~~
20. Go on at least a few solo trips/adventures
21. Have a picnic
~~22. Start (and finish) a DIY project~~
23. Do something I've never done before (surfing doesn't count)
24. Go on a hike
25. Get a massage
26. Start meeting with new small group (this is finally starting!!)
27. Discover something new about my city [Long Beach, CA]
28. Attend some sort of festival (music, art, etc.)
29. Go to a museum that I've never been to before
30. Go on a brewery tour

This was helpful to do just now, because I totally thought I had accomplished a lot more than I really have! Today I will plan out a few of these items to do over the next few days. I've accepted the fact that I probably won't be able to get through all of them, but the remaining items I can accomplish over the summer!

What are your goals for this summer? Big or small, I'd love to hear them!

So far, this has been such a beautiful summer. I've really grown to love becoming older, even though it was something I was dreading. Now, I've changed my perspective on growing old; instead of complaining about the grey hairs that have been popping up, or how my skin just 'isn't like it used to be', I am more motivated to truly love life and treat it as a God-given gift. So, here's to turning 24 in four days. Bring it on, I'm ready for you.

- - - -

I leave you with this music video by Mike Mains & The Bracnches. I was recently introduced to them by a friend of mine, and I just fell in love immediately. For all you pop, dance and rock lovers, I think you'll find this band to be a great addition to your itunes. Enjoy!

Mike Mains & The Branches - "Stereo"

Sabbatical Goals!

2011-06-19T13:45:00.000-07:00

If you've been following my blogs lately, then you know that I am currently on a month long sabbatical from work. I can't even begin to explain how much of a blessing this has been. It's been a little over a week since my sabbatical began, and to tell you the truth, I haven't done much at all. But, that's been the beauty of it! I've spent time with close friends, slept in just about every single day (oops!) and I've watched movies and tv shows. At first, this frightened me - I definitely don't want to look back on my month off from work and say that I slept a lot and watched So You Think You Can Dance (although, I really love this show). I want to be able to say that I did things, I had adventures, I grew spiritually and that I had a new found excitement for the rest of 2011. So, I am glad that I got all the 'R&R' stuff out of the way; bring on the summer adventures!

[taken in South Carolina when I was on tour - a great time full of adventure]

I figured in order to actually have a productive sabbatical, I should make a list! So, here it goes:

'30 Goals in 30 Days!'
*in no particular order

1. Finish reading Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist
2. Go on a vacation
3. Swim in the ocean (it's been FOUR years since I have been in the ocean. Time to face my fears!)
4. Go surfing for the first time
5. Go on several bike rides
6. Make a day trip (by train) to LA
7. Learn to celebrate turning 24, rather than dreading it. I want to do something different this year, so let's see how it goes!
8. Write more music
9. Paint. Paint. Paint!
10. Spend time with my niece
11. Perform with Pilgrims [my band] :) open mics, or shows, doesn't matter to me
12. Blog/write more
13. Try a new food/restaurant
14. Read & Study scripture more
15. Find a bathing suit that I love and that 'loves me' - comfortable, and I feel comfortable in
16. Start a new hobby
17. Cook at least one 'good' meal for my friends
18. Take lots of photos
19. Properly take care of my skin. I've definitely slacked on this, time to break that habit!
20. Go on at least a few solo trips/adventures
21. Have a picnic
22. Start (and finish) a DIY project
23. Do something I've never done before (surfing doesn't count)
24. Go on a hike
25. Get a massage
26. Start meeting with new small group (this is finally starting!!)
27. Discover something new about my city [Long Beach, CA]
28. Attend some sort of festival (music, art, etc.)
29. Go to a museum that I've never been to before
30. Go on a brewery tour

& that should do it! There are definitely some items on that list that are more important to me than others, but it's my hope that I can complete all 30 of them! At the very least, this will keep me busy and focussed. I love making lists. I've learned if you write it down, it will get done.

Do you have any goals for the summer? I'd love to hear them! Also, if there are any items on this list that you'd like to join me on, please let me know! I'd love the company <3

I love quotes, if you hadn't figured that out yet. Here is a great quote for this season in my life, I hope it can motivate you to make a goal list too.

"When people say to me: "How do you do so many things?" I often answer them, without meaning to be cruel: "How do you do so little?" It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don't. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever."
-Philip Adams

Lord, thank You for this season. May You be glorified by my choices.

<3

Photo Challenge Pt. 2

2011-06-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

Hey friends! So, if you read my last post, you would know that I, along with a few other friends, have been doing a 30 Day Photo Challenge. Today is 'Day #13'. I've been really enjoying this challenge because it is a way for me to use a creative side of my brain and it's really fun to see what others are posting too. I will say though, it's not that easy! Sometimes I will get through the majority of the day, and forget to take a picture, or there are times where I can't think of anything worth taking a picture of. Either way, here is my 'progress' as promised. [To see Days #1-4, please read my previous blog!]

Day #5 - Picture From A High Angle

Day #6 - Picture From A Low Angle

Day #7 - Fruit

Day #8 - Bad Habit
*I will note that this is not a bad habit of mine, but my interpretation of this was that it could be someone else's bad habit.

Day #9 - Someone You Love

Day #10 - A Childhood Memory

Day #11 - Something Blue

Day #12 - Sunset

As I mentioned earlier, today is 'Day #13', but I've yet to take my photo for the day, so you will just have to wait and see what it ends up being!

On a different note, I've just completed my first official week of my one month sabbatical from work! It still doesn't feel like it's kicked in. I've tried to keep myself pretty busy; hanging out with friends, going places, making little local trips to see people, etc. I want to make sure that I take time to really rest and reenergize myself before going back to work. I am finishing up a list of things I want to complete before my sabbatical comes to an end. I have about 3 weeks left, and a few good items on my list. I would love to take any suggestions! Please leave an idea or two (big or small, doesn't matter!) in the comment box below!

Thanks guys, I hope everyone is doing well!

Here is a good reminder to look at each day as an opportunity to make the most of your life, and of those around you. If you are anything like me, you need to be reminded that life is not about waiting to 'become happy'; we need to find happiness and joy in each day that we are given. Otherwise, we are going to die very disappointed.

"Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life. "
-Burton Hills

<3 Be Blessed

Photo Challenge

2011-06-07T22:05:00.001-07:00

Last week my good friend, Beatriz, posted that she was doing a "30 Day Photo Challenge". I had seen other bloggers post similar things, but I never thought twice about it. When Bea posted it, I thought I should join in on the challenge as well. I am really glad I did! It's only been 4 days so far, and I'll admit, I was lagging the first couple days haha, but I am in for the long haul now!

So, here's to the 30 day photo challenge!

Day #1 - Self Portrait

Day #2 - What You Wore

Day #3 - Clouds

Day #4 - Something Green

I'll continue to post them everyday as I complete each 'challenge'. You can find me on Instagram (BrendaAbel), Twitter and Facebook! & hey, it's not too late to do your own 30 day photo challenge, just get caught up! :)

Hope everyone is doing well!
PS- Two more days until my month sabbatical from work begins.
Lord thank You for this blessing.

Much love,
Bren

Time for an Update!

2011-05-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

*I posted a different blog a week or so ago, but Blogger was having some technical difficulties and it got deleted, so my apologies for my lack of posts!

This blog is not going to be about a specific quote, lyric, video or theory, simply just an update on life.

As of this last Thursday, the Spring 2011 Tour for LiNK came to a close, and I had to say goodbye farewell to 16 of the most amazing people I've encountered. Seeing Nomad groups come and go so often is definitely one of the hardest parts of my job as a Regional Manager. However, I am excited to see where life takes these nomads, and I hope we all will stay in touch.

& in one week from today, we will be saying 'hello' to a group of summer interns. The cycle really never ends. But, I am excited to meet this group as well!

I love my job, but at times it can be very testing. As a result of this job being so time demanding, stressful and exhausting, LiNK is having Leah and I take a month long sabbatical. Words can't even begin to express how grateful and excited I am for this. It is truly a blessing. The purpose of having this month off is so that we can get rejuvenated, and inspired so that when we come back for the fall tour, we are ready to give it our all. I really think having this time off will help with that.

So, friends, I have June 11th - July 10th OFF.
As of now, I don't have much scheduled, so I am looking forward to just relaxing, and hanging out with all of you! I am also working on creating a mini goal list that I want to accomplish during my sabbatical. I will take any suggestions!

Other random updates:

1. My good friend Sean and I started a music project, we are called "Pilgrims". I am really excited about this! We played our first open mic last week, and had a blast. We just started recording, so I will keep everyone posted on that.

2. This is not so new, but in case people didn't know, I began writing devotionals for a website callled ChristCore.net. I post every other week, so be sure to check those out and let me know your thoughts!

3. I've been reaching out to some girlfriends of mine to start a local small group and lots of people are interested, so I am really excited to get that started! This last month has been pretty hectic at work, so I couldn't get it started just yet, BUT! ladiesss, expect an email from me soon! :) This is something I've been desiring for a really long time now, so I am beyond ready for it.

I feel like there's more, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Three artists you need to give an ear to:
1. Ivan & Alyosha
2. Mariah McManus
3. The Head and The Heart

Much love!

Beautiful Reminder

2011-04-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

"You have stories worth telling,
memories worth remembering,
dreams worth working toward,
a body worth feeding,
a soul worth tending,
& beyond that, the God of the universe dwells within you,
the true culmination of super & natural.

You are more than dust & bones.
You are spirit & power & image of God.
& you have been given Today."

-Cold Tangerines "On Waiting", Shauna Niequist

I recently finished a book called "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist. I highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys positive reminders and solid wisdom. Shauna has a unique way of putting the raw emotions you feel into words on a page. Let me be the first to say that I would never consider myself to be a 'reader'. I was telling Leah the other day that I can't even remember the last book I actually finished. This time was different, I couldn't even put Bittersweet down, and when I finished it, I was sad. I wanted more. I immediately bought her first book, "Cold Tangerines". I just got it in the mail today, and I am so excited to dive into it.

I just finished the first chapter, titled "On Waiting", and I am already in love. I know I am hyping Shauna up a lot, but once you read her book(s), you'll completely understand where I am coming from.

The excerpt I placed above is the end of that first chapter. What a beautiful reminder. Our lives are filled with stories that are worth telling. The visions you have are important, and they are worth chasing after. The thoughts you think, the emotions you feel, those matter, too. God has created you for such a grand purpose, in all you do, chase that fully. Pursue Today.

This practically defines the tattoo that I have on my left forearm. It reads, "There, but for the grace of God, go I". It's a daily reminder that I am here for a purpose, and it is only by God's grace that I am given Today. & furthermore, if I am given another day to live on this earth, it would be such a great loss if I didn't pursue all that it had in store for me.

I hope you all know that you have a story, and it is so beautiful.
I'd love to hear them.

Keep fighting this good, beautiful, fight.
It's worth it.

Someone Like You

2011-04-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead"
-"Someone Like You", Adele

I heard this song for the first time yesterday, and have probably listened to a total of 25 times... at least. For one, Adele has a magnificent voice, but more than that, this song portrays such deep, raw emotion. Since it was stuck in my head so much, I felt like learning how to play it and record it. It took me a few hours to get it down, and edit the video, but I felt it was decent enough to share with everyone.

I'd like to say why I chose this song. I know that Adele had her own personal reasons for writing this song, but for me, it speaks to me on an entirely different level. This song was written about a lost romantic love. But, when I hear this song, I think about my father, and how that love was lost.

I'm sure the majority of you know my situation with my father, but just in case you don't, I'll explain it briefly. My father was a part of my life in my childhood all the way up until I was 12 years old. He wasn't completely consistent emotionally or physically, but he was still there. I have several fond memories of my dad growing up, and I'd like to think that I inherited a few of his qualities. As far back as I can remember, he was always playing music. He would play in bands and jam with his friends all the time, and he even had a music room in our house. I think being raised around that atmosphere is a direct result to me being so drawn to music, and even being a musician myself.

Unfortunately, when I was 12 my dad made some decisions that resulted in our family splitting apart. My dad fell back into an addiction, which caused him to leave my sisters and my mother behind. Needless to say, my life has completely been changed since then. I still have no direct contact with my dad, and I am not sure when or if I will ever see him again. It's my hope and prayer that it will happen, but I just am unsure as to when that will be.

So, when I heard this song it took me to a unique place. I immediately thought of my relationship with my dad, as opposed to a relationship with a man. Here is the video of me doing a cover of 'Someone Like You'. This style of music is slightly out of my element, but that is a big reason why I wanted to cover it. I am going to keep working on it, and eventually learn it on piano as well.

Thanks for watching and reading, friends! :]

The Language of Melodies

2011-04-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words
& cannot remain silent”
-Victor Hugo

I would like to think that I communicate in several different languages, and I'd like to think of music being one of them. In no way am I a professional, or even the best thing you've ever heard. Since the age of 12, I've carried a huge passion for communicating through music. It wasn't until that age, that I was able to develop an appreciation of what it meant to write and play music. Since then, it's been an aspect of my life that has defined who I am.

It was one of my goals for this year to write more music and play more shows. I believe it will happen. I'm slowly forcing myself back to those roots. I dusted off my keyboard, and began writing the other day. I enjoy those moments where nothing else seems to matter, and nothing completely makes sense, but things come out of no where, and it's experimental. It's music. It makes my soul move. So, if you remember to ask me when you see me next, feel free to ask how my music is coming along. I need the accountability to do this.

My friend Sean showed me this band called Angus & Julia Stone last week, and I've been borderline obsessed ever since. Let me warn you by saying, they are very unique. I won't be offended if you don't like it, but I do hope you can at least appreciate their musicianship.
I was looking through some youtube videos of theirs, and came across this video. They do an acoustic cover of "You're the one that I want" from Grease. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

Zooey

2011-04-05T22:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday someone from work asked me if I could choose to resemble a famous person, who would it be? I answered, without hesitation, Zooey Deschanel. I really love her. I don't know her at all, but I love everything she acts in, I adore her music and I think if I could slip into her closet, I'd about die.
She is just so dang cute.

Who would you be, and why?

I know this is not the 'norm' for my blog, but I thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss!

North Carolina: 0, California: 1

2011-04-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

Don't worry, this is not a blog about how much
I think California is better than North Carolina...
This is a blog about how North Carolina lost a solid human being,
& California gained one.

"A true friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, & sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad."
-Arnold H. Glasgow

I've really enjoyed this blog series, but I've realized that I'd have to spend the rest of my life writing a blog for every person that has impacted me... and I just don't have that kind of time :] So, to end this series, I give you Miss Leah Garrard. Leah and I both work as Regional Managers for the non-profit organization LiNK|Liberty in North Korea. We both came on full-time for LiNK in June 2010, and we've been working side by side ever since. This is the first picture we took together, and my original caption for this was "my partner in crime"; it's still ever so true.

I've had many, many jobs and have usually enjoyed the people I work with. But, Leah instantly became much more than a co-worker to me, she became my friend. I am so grateful to have her by my side, everyday, through all of the difficult moments I've faced being a Regional Manager for LiNK. There have definitely been times where I feel like running out the door, and I turn to Leah and she knows exactly what to say to get me through ten more minutes. I know, without a doubt, if it weren't for Leah, I wouldn't have lasted more than one tour. There is no one else in this world that understands my moment to moment process like her. It's as if we've become one brain, one motion, both fighting the same exhausting, fulfilling battle.

Sometimes I wish there was a camera in our little office, to capture all of our amazing moments. Let me tell you, there are some great ones. Many tears have been shed, and many moments of venting have filled those walls. I can also tell you that I am pretty sure there was one time where we laughed for a week straight. I don't really recall anything funny happening, I am pretty sure it was week 9 of the Fall Tour, which basically means we are beyond delirious. We are a team, we're one unit, and I think if Kim Jong-Il were to ever meet us, he'd run for the door, because we are that tough. Too much? Yeah, probably - well, that's us. More than all of that, Leah listens. She's genuine, intentional and her character screams quality.

So, Leag (no, it's not a typo). Here's to the next nine months...of being co-workers, but many years to come of being friends. Thank you for putting up with me 40 hours a week... and well, you know, like 80 hours a week during tour season... God bless your poor heart. You're great, and I honestly don't tell you enough.

One more thing. Stop what you are doing, and go check out Leah's Etsy Shop. Not only does she fight human injustices, she makes beautiful headbands. Go! Go! & tell your friends!
Laughing Teeth: Headbands Aren't Just For Little Girls

My-Leigh

2011-04-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

& It's a pleasure that I keep to sit down with my friends
& talk about my day.
-"Surfaced", The Dangerous Summer

Continuing with this blog series of presenting those in my life who impact me, I give you Megan Leigh Stricklin. Megan is one of those friends who I know no matter what choices I've made in life, all of that is erased when I am sitting in front of her. She is a loyal friend, who looks at the heart and character, more than anything else in a person. When she asks "how are you?", she will not let you get away with saying "good" - she wants to go deeper,
she wants to hear your soul. & I appreciate that.

This last year of my life, I was not the most present friend, and I didn't always have much to offer. Regardless of all of that, Megan still stayed close to me and genuinely cared about my day to day. We spent many moments watching Criminal Minds, eating Albertacos and just driving around listening to good music. She always knows how to get me through a rough moment.

Megan, thank you for always being willing to listen to me. It's hard to come by friends like that, and I am grateful to call you a good friend of mine. We have many, many great memories and I love that we can sit down a reflect on them so often. Here's to making more memories and for many more dance parties, California burritos and Birthday surprises (just kidding!). Love you, girl.

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, & stronger than you seem, & smarter than you think."
-Christopher Robin to Pooh

Bride to Bea

2011-03-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

"& you walk across the stage, take a bow, hear the applause,
& as the curtain falls, just know you did it all-
the best that you knew how & you can hear me cheering now.
So let a smile out & show your teeth cause you know you lived it well."
-This is Not an Exit, Saves the Day

I thought it would be appropriate to write my next blog about one of my greatest friends, Beatriz Amorija Chavez. To her close friends, she is known as "Bea". Let me just start off by saying I've known Bea for nine years, and I don't think there is a single person that I have more pictures, memories, inside jokes, tears shared, or special songs with, other than her. We spent our youth going to shows, driving in my old station wagon listening to Copeland, The Starting Line, and Dashboard Confessional. Of course by our senior year we had expanded into "hardcore music", where we'd shout to lyrics of Norma Jean, The Chariot and He is Legend. The lyric at the top of this blog has such precious meaning to both of us. A lyric that we often quote to one another, just at the right moment when we know nothing else will suffice, except those words. In our youth, music and Jesus brought us extremely close.

Over the years, our friendship grew into a sisterly bond, and it has been the very thing that has brought me out of some of the darkest moments of my life. I know that Bea is a friend that I will call on for the rest of my life. We've been through it all... literally. We've experienced life together. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I find so much joy in knowing that Bea is the type of friend that when I give her a certain look, she knows exactly what I am thinking. More often than not, when I laugh a specific way, at a certain time, she knows exactly what memory I am reminiscing. I love that about us.

Yesterday was spent celebrating Bea as she is one month away from becoming a bride. No longer will she be "Miss Chavez", she will be "Mrs. Morin". I still can't believe it! I remember talking about getting married one day, and talking about all the things we will want at our wedding and even what our gown would look like. It's crazy to think that we are days away from this event (for her) to actually become a reality. I am absolutely honored to be one of her bridesmaids. Her Bridal Shower was beautiful, and very sweet. I found myself getting emotional just thinking about her wedding day. So surreal, so great.

My dear Bea, I love you so much. Thank you for all the wonderful memories, and life changing moments we've had. I am so excited for your new journey. Through everything, I will be there for you - no matter how old or how tired we get. No matter how far life takes us;
I'll take care of you, have faith that when you call my name, I'll be there.

(Here's one more, just because)

"Say Whaaaat?"

2011-03-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

"A friend should be one in whose understanding & virtue we can equally confide, & whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity."
Robert Hall

There's one girl I know that shares the same love for green iced tea (splenda, please), quotes and a good amount of dirty-southern metal as much as I do. This is one of my dearest friends, Alexandria Rose Negron. Al and I have been friends for years, and over time, I've grown to have such a deep love for this girl. I often find myself thanking God, that she is a sister of mine, whom I can call on at any point in time, and she would truly be there for me.

Anytime spent with Al is guaranteed to bring a smile to my face. I can laugh (a lot), cry (often), and just be plain ol' silly (always) with her, and it is just so great. More than her company bringing me a great time, Al brings me joy, just by looking at her life. She has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. She has a passion for Jesus, and it really inspires me beyond words. Earlier this year, Al went on a missions trip to India, and I was honored to be a part of the months leading up to her departure. In that time, I saw Al completely give every bit she had to this trip, and being prepared for it. What a concept. Someone actually being genuine in their pursuit of God's plan for them! Al, you really have a beautiful soul.

When I want to pour my heart out to a good friend, I know I can call Al, and she would just sit there and listen. She tends to say anything she can to comfort your soul, and in the end, she'll always offer her little bits of wisdom. This last year of my life, I went through a lot of trials, and I saw Al through all of them. Such a genuine friend. Thank you for those moments, Al.

Al, here is to many more years of great memories and life changing seasons. I am blessed that you have been through so much with me, and I am even more blessed to know that you will be with me through seasons, and seasons to come. I love you, girl.

San Diego Has A Piece of Me

2011-03-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

"The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, & walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had."
-Author Unknown

When I read this quote, I immediately think of one of my favorite people in the world, Tranica. She and I have been friends since we were in youth group together, and at around 19 years old, we became very close. Tranica has a sweet soul, loves Jesus, and pursues people whole-heartedly. She resides in San Diego, has the greatest laugh in the world, and is one of the best cooks I know. I believe we have such a strong connection because of our sisterhood in the Lord. I cherish my relationship with Tranica because we allow each other into the deepest and most vulnerable areas of our lives.

Distance has been a huge block for the majority of our friendship, yet it has never defeated us. Tran is someone who I know, at any given point in time, would be there for me if I ever needed her. More than just someone to talk to, Tran will listen with such an open and sincere heart and she receives so much of what I have to say as well.

I thank the Lord so much for my friendship with Tran. I know that anytime spent together, is going to be a memorable time, and more importantly, we will walk away being filled up. I am so blessed by her, and I look forward to our weekly e-mail updates, and I love that we can share that with each other.

Tran, I can't wait for our future, and what is in store for both of our lives. I know one day we will be sitting on a porch, drinking sweet tea, in Georgia, reflecting on our youth.

I love you.

let me tell you bout my best friend

2011-03-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed high-lighting someone special in my life for my last blog, so I thought I'd continue with that. I believe to really understand who I am, and why I am the way I am, you will need to get to know those who are close and dear to my heart. I am blessed to say that I walk life with some of the most beautiful, unique souls on earth. Enjoy!

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
Elisabeth Foley

Meet Rebekah Ann Osterkamp, most people call her Becky. But, to me, she is simply my best. Becky and I have been friends since we were 16 years old. We were each other's first roommate, and the rest is history. We've been through more than we thought we could ever handle, yet we are still here. Becky has a fierce, yet sentimental soul. She is an incredible hair stylist, and she is almost always up for adventure.

We've shared great memories: road trips, moving three times together, late night pillow talks, disneyland, arizona drives, and the list goes on & on.

That is Becky in a nut-shell. She is beautiful and genuine. I am looking forward to the rest of our lives, Best.

Here's to us. I love you.

Never Too Late For Goals!

2011-02-08T12:54:00.000-08:00

I took a minor break from the blogging world, your forgiveness is greatly appreciated!

Considering that my last blog post was about the highlights of 2010, I found it appropriate to write a blog about my goals/resolutions/hopes/dreams for 2011. Like I've mentioned before, I am really looking forward to this year. I have a positive outlook on it, and I am ready for all that God has in store for me!

Here are a few to start off:

1. Read and study the entire New Testament
2. Write and Blog more
3. Write more music and play more shows
4. When it's possible, save money
5. Go on a vacation. Goal: road trip to Cornerstone Music Festival this summer
6. Start a hobby/Learn a craft
7. Take a hip-hop dance class
8. Be more intentional with those around me
9. Become a part of a small group and meet with a mentor
10. Daily work on becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman

I know there are many more goals that will come up along the way, but these are a few tangible things I want to really spend this year working on, and working towards. I am excited to say that I have already began working on a few of these things!

1. I signed up for a (free) account on YouVersion, where you can choose a Bible Reading Plan, and you can have friends "follow you" and hold you accountable. I really have enjoyed this, however I've fallen behind quite a bit, but I will not be discouraged by this. I am going to readjust my plan, and keep at it.

2. Obviously, I've been slacking off in updating this blog, but now that I have more time, I will try to keep it up. I've been writing a lot more as well. It's something I need to do more, in order to become better at it. I recently was asked to come on staff for an amazing website called Christ Core. It's a website that has devotionals, CD reviews and interviews. I've been asked to write bi-weekly devotionals. I am really excited about this new opportunity!

The rest are a work in progress.

I love you all, and I can't wait to spend more time with all of you, now that my schedule has opened up.

Keep fighting the Good Fight-
Bren

So This is the New Year...(Image Heavy)

2011-01-01T16:57:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Death Cab for Cutie, for the rather appropriate lyric to start this blog off. However, I would like to adjust the following line from "and I don't feel any different" to "and I feel greaaaaat! ...excited! ...eager! ...expectant!" - you get the idea.
I think one of my favorite things about my New Years was reading everyone's status updates and blogs about how excited they are for 2011. I am definitely in that same boat. 2010 was a rather rough year for me. I dealt with a lot of transitional seasons; some good, some not so great. I felt like the last few months of 2010 I was just eagerly waiting for the calendar to hit January 1st so that I could have an excuse to change; to start over. Isn't it funny how we do that? Oh well, I will roll with it.

So goodbye 2010. I didn't like you all that much, but you taught me more than I thought I could ever learn, and probably more than I wanted to learn. And for that, I am grateful. Here are some moments of 2010 that I don't ever want to forget. Enjoy!

In January, we started off the year with the celebration of my best friend, Becky's 23rd birthday! It definitely caused for a photo shoot. (Photo Credit: Sarah Lower)

February is kind of a blur to me. To be honest, all of 2010 is a blur to me. Which is another reason why I am writing this blog - to not forget the major memories. I don't have a photo for this month, but I do remember that my relationship with the Lord really began to take a shift in the best way possible. I was jobless, poor, single, and broken as can be - but it was in that place, that I began to rely on Him so much more. I can see now that He provided for me in more ways than I could have imagined. Thank You, Jesus and thank you, February!

In March I went with a few of my friends to see Copeland in Pomona at The Glasshouse. I have to say this was a bittersweet night. I've seen Copeland about 13, maybe 14 times, but this was their farewell tour. It was more than great, it was an experience. I admire Copeland for so many reasons, but one of my favorite things about them is the fact that I've been following them since I was in 10th grade, and they've never disappointed me.

"Thank you. We've been Copeland."

(Here is my good friend, Alex, me and Mr. Marsh himself)

One of my favorite nights of 2010 was in the beginning of April. I am so blessed to have a large, extended group of brothers and sisters in my life, who have been there for me since I was 16. We all grew up in the our home church together, in Fullerton, and then we continued to grow together as adults in a young adults group called The Continuum. In 2009, The Continuum ceased to exist, which was really hard to deal with. But, I am so glad that we were all able to come together for a mini reunion in 2010.

I give you "The Continuum Continues"

Another highlight in April was going on a mini tour for LiNK (the non profit I work for). I have been on tour for LiNK before, but this was something I was really looking forward to, because I'd be traveling for 3 weeks, in the South (come on now) and with two of my great friends: Chris and Julie. To this very day, Chris and I can't have one conversation without reminiscing that tour.

God Bless the Southern folk.

May was a very intense month, not only for me, but for some of my closest friends. My best friend, Becky, spent 9 months by her mother's side as she witnessed her battle cancer. Karen, Becky's beautiful mother, was a fighter. She kept her spirits higher than you'd imagine, and she loved her children so much. I am so grateful that I was able to know her mother. On May 5th, 2010, the Lord took His daughter, Karen, to be Home with Him. I will never forget that morning, and the days leading up to it. Death is never easy, and at most moments, I didn't have anything adequate to say to my best friend. But, I learned something very valuable in this time. When you don't know what to say, it's best to just be there. Sit there. Lay there. Just be.
Our friends all gathered around Becky in this time, as if she were a sister to all of us. This photo was taken at our home church (with the same people we all grew up with) on the day of Karen's funeral.

Even in the midst of loss and pain, Becky radiated with joy and love for her community.

June was my "transitional month". After being unemployed for 5 months, I finally got a full-time job (Praise God!). The best part is it was with LiNK. An amazing non-profit organization I had been interning/volunteering for over a year and a half. I signed an 18 month contract with them as a Regional Manager. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I am beyond blessed.

These are some of the faces that I get to spend the next year with; looking forward to it!

July! This is my favorite month. Mainly because it's my birthday, but also because it's summer, sunny and hot. I just love all of these things. Mark my words, I will definitely be getting married in July. It's just the greatest :) Two great things happened in July. Fourth of July and my 23rd birthday. The 4th is always a big celebration within our community. We always gather at someone's house, play music, eat, set off fireworks, and of course, danceee. It's one of my favorite holidays.

This picture is just a reflection of how amazing my friends are.

(Photo Credit: Joshua Watson)

My birthday was a success. Actually, that is an understatement. Just when I thought my birthday couldn't get any better, this year my friends blew me away. They worked SO hard on throwing me the best surprise party. Ever. I actually don't have any pictures from that night, but they are all in my heart. I actually wrote a blog about how great it was, so you can read it here if you'd like!

August was a good month because I was finally settling in my job at LiNK, and still trying to enjoy my summer. But also because I was able to cross Goo Goo Dolls off of my "top bands I must see before I die" list. Thank you, Megan! It was such a good time. Switchfoot also opened up for them, so that was a plus. Such a good birthday present, probably one of the best.

Me and Megan on our way to the concert!

September was busy, busy but also filled with several amazing memories. There are three that I would like to point out! First, I got another tattoo. I had been waiting on getting this piece for a year, and I was so stoked to return to Turbo to have him continue more work on me. Second, I had the honor of being in one of my best guy friend's wedding. The best part about it was I was a "groom woman". It was such a beautiful wedding, for such an amazing couple. Logan is like a brother to me, and Ilaya, his bride, is an amazing woman. It was a night filled with dancing, laughing, more dancing and great friends. Pure bliss. And finally, the Fall 2010 Tour launch! This was a milestone in my career as an RM for LiNK. My co-worker, Leah, and I had worked so hard on training and getting these nomads out and ready for this ten week tour. To see them take off in four separate vans, all across the country, was just a beautiful thing. I admire our nomads so much.

There, but for the grace of God, go I

Logan & Ilaya's Wedding
(Photo Credit: Jack Rodriguez)

Fall 2010 LiNK Nomads - Tour Launch

October was the first (of many to come) Ladies Night! It's a night filled with lots of radical ladies, who get dolled up, and go out for the night. I love these girls, and I am looking forward to many more Ladies Nights in 2011!

Branchhhh out, ladies ;)

November was a special month, because a lot of our friends gathered together to support our dear friend, Alex. She had been preparing for several months to go on a missions trip to India through our church, Rock Harbor Fullerton. I can't even begin to explain how proud I am of Alex. She has such a beautiful soul, and worked SO hard just to make this missions trip even possible. To help Al raise the rest of the money needed, we put a benefit show together. I was honored to perform that night alongside many of my friends. So much love, and support in one room. Beautiful.

December snuck up on me so quickly. To be honest, I wasn't too upset about that. I have been looking forward to 2010 ending ever since it began. Not really, but kind of. Anyways! December was a great month. I spent about a week of it on vacation, and just hanging out with friends and family. The Fall 2010 Tour ended, and it was very successful. The most inspiring result was the fact that our nomads were able to raise enough money in donations to rescue 16 North Korean refugees. So humbled, and so proud.

To conclude December, as well as 2010, my friends (Becky, Jon and Megan) made a last minute trip to Las Vegas to spend a few days with some crazy, great people: The Bundras. They are twins, they have accents, and they have huge hearts. We love them, and we were stoked to be welcomed into their home for the second time this year. Many memories were had as a result to those few days, as well as new friendships. (Josh is missing in this picture because he had to work).

& We can talk about the rain ... :)

That is all! Thanks for reading! 2010 wasn't all that bad when I reflect on some amazing memories. Here's to 2011, and many more great memories and friendships. I will post soon about my goals for 2011, not resolutions, but goals.

Thanks to all who were a part of my life and my journey this last year. The good, the bad, the ugly. I am beyond blessed for the people in my life.

Cheers!

Out With the Old, in With the New?

2010-12-30T13:55:00.000-08:00

The only thing I had "planned" on my vacation from work, was to clean my room. Sounds pathetic, right? It's just always the last thing I want to do when I get home from work. So, I always put it off. Well, today was the day to clean, and also do laundry. It feels good. I tell ya, it's the little things in life :)

I was going through all of my clothes, some old, very few were new, and I am looking at them and saying "I don't need this... I never wear that..." Why do I still have them then? I made a pile to get rid of and/or take to Buffalo Exchange. I am hoping I can gain a couple extra dollars from some of my clothes. But, on a more serious note (what is a blog from Brenda that doesn't have a 'serious note', right?) - I would never say that I am one to dress skanky, or even really inappropriate, but I have a few things that might even be slightly questionable. I almost feel weird bringing this up in a blog, or even to the public, but I just felt I should say something. A few weeks ago, someone I admire a lot, challenged me with something I was wearing. They weren't being malicious or even judgmental, but just making sure to hold me accountable to the standard I claim to hold to myself. To be truly honest, I didn't even think twice about the shirt I was wearing. I had no impure intent behind it, I just threw on a shirt, and walked out the door.

Ever since that night, my friend's words have kept replaying in my head every time I get dressed. I am trying to look in the mirror and ask myself, is what I am wearing representing myself the way I want to be represented? Am I giving off the impression that I want the rest of the world to have of me? If it's even questionable, then maybe I shouldn't be wearing it. After all, is it even worth it? Ladies, the truth is, we don't understand men and the way they think. We never will, and Lord knows, I don't want to even begin to try.

Maybe I am the only one who needed to hear this, but maybe not. It's a challenge that was placed on me, so I am choosing to pass along the same challenge.

My room is tidy, my clothes are clean, and I can now look at my wardrobe and feel confident about what I will wear.

... I just need to make a trip to Buffalo Exchange now, and give away my 'old clothes'. I think it's time for some new ones.

Desire is Not Enough

2010-12-28T22:55:00.000-08:00

Nothing can satisfy the entire man but the Lord's love, and the Lord's own self. To embrace our Lord Jesus, to dwell in His love, and be fully assured of union with Him, this is all in all. Dear reader, you need not try other forms of life in order to see whether they are better than the Christian's: if you roam the world around, you will see no sights like a sight of the Savior's face.
-Charles H. Spurgeon

I truly look forward to reading my daily devotions from Spurgeon via my iPhone "Daily Help" application (I highly recommend it to all iPhone users - it's great and free!). Today's devotion was just what I needed to hear. I've been in this place lately, where my desire is God, and God Himself. However, I am learning that to have a desire is simply not enough. Our desires need to be pursued by action and a follow through.

...Praise God for grace, amen?

That is the beauty of life as a follower of Jesus. It's not something that we just "accept" and have a few years to get it right, and then it's smooth sailing the rest of our lives. I've learned that once we allow Christ to take over our lives, it's a continual journey until we move on to eternity with Him. As the great hymn, Come Thou Fount, says, we are "prone to wander"; we are like sheep. But, our great Shepherd is there to guide us on the right paths. Not only does He guide us, but He pursues us. When even one of His sheep go astray, He goes after them, and brings them back to where they belong. That, my friends, is the unconditional love of our Lord.

As 2011 is approaching, I am preparing myself to start this year off right. I am not making any resolutions, per se, but I really do desire to have a different outlook on what this year has in store for me. I want to live in expectancy that God is truly capable, and willing, to make a huge transformation in my life. I want to have faith that He will place a calling on my life, as I ask Him to. I desire all of these things. With this desire, I am praying for persistence on my end, and obedience to wherever He is directing me. Desire is not enough.

I'm not too sure who reads this anymore, but whoever you are, I challenge you to reflect on this last year, and see what God was teaching you. If you aren't a believer, this still can apply to you. What did you learn from 2010? Maybe you made a few choices, that you wish you could take back. Wherever you are at, reflect. Now, look ahead. 2011 is a new year. That is something to be excited about! God is moving, will you allow Him to move within your own life? It's a decision I made almost 12 years ago, and I've never regretted it.

Keep fighting, friends. Always, fight on.

My Seasonal Perspective Shift

2010-12-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. It's completely a refection of my own attitude, and for that, I am disappointed in myself. I have never been the first to say Christmas is my favorite (in fact, it's actually Halloween), but I still usually enjoy the season of Christmas. I can't seem to pin-point it either. Is it that this year has been so heavy and difficult, that Christmas came at an inconvenient time? Perhaps, it's the fact that I am the poorest I've ever been so I can't afford even one gift for my loved ones? Maybe it's the 5 day streak of horrid rain that has put me in this funk. Whatever the reason may be, I want to be out of it. So, I will put on my Dustin Kensrue, "The Good Night is Still Everywhere" album, drink some hot cocoa, and wear a hideous sweater. If only, that actually worked.

I am complaining, and being pretty dramatic, I know.

My point in writing all of this, is that I've realized during the moments of trying to force myself into the "jolly spirit", I've been missing the point of this season. We all know the story of Jesus' birth, and we all know every line (or think we know every line) to Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, and O Holy Night, but that means nothing. I wonder if I will ever fully understand what it was like to actually wait for the Messiah. I wonder if I'll even come close to comprehending the thought of living without a Savior, and then He appears, as a newborn child. I don't think I will ever know exactly what it's like, nor do I think it's meant to be that way for us.

This season is a time of more than presents (praise God), more than picking out a Christmas tree with amazing friends. More than singing carols (in person, or even over the phone), and more than those moments where you wish that one person was there to celebrate this season with you. It's all of those things, but much, much more.

I'm in the middle of a phenomenal book right now. It's called "Bittersweet", by Shauna Niequist. (Mainly to the ladies out there - go buy this book. Seriously, it will change your life. Shauna is amazing). There is a chapter in this book that talks about Christmas, and she absolutely nails it. So, instead of trying to do it myself, I am just going to let you read it.

"Gifts, under the tree and otherwise"

This season matters. Christmas is a time when God's presence is more palpable than any other time of the year. It's also a time when what we've lost is more present to us, when the pain or the loneliness or the fear are more present than any other time. It's a glorious, beautiful time and also one in which even the smallest kindnesses can transform us. It's worth more than pushing and rushing and perfecting your decorations or your homemade cookies.

If what it takes for you this year to be present in this sacred, thin place, to feel the breath and presence of a Holy God, is to forgo the cookies and the cards and the rushing and the lists, then we'll be all right with cookies from the store and a few less gifts. It would be a great loss for you to miss this season, the soul of it, because you're too busy pushing and rushing. And it would be a great loss if the people in your life to receive your perfectly wrapped gifts, but not your love or your full attention or your spirit.

This is my prayer for us, that we would give and receive the most important gifts this season-- the palpable presence of a Holy God, the kindness of well-chosen words, the generosity of spirit and soul.

My prayer is that what you've lost, and what I've lost this year, will fade a little bit in the beauty of this season, that for a few moments at least, what is right and good and worth believing will outshine all the darkness, within us and around us.

May you find joy this season. Remember that every day you wake up, is a gift from God, and you get to determine how it goes. If yesterday was an awful day, how can you make tomorrow a more pleasant one? You can make changes. I am no expert on it, but I realized I was being a Scrooge, if you will, and I am making steps to change it. Even if Christmas is four days away. Better late, than never.

Merry Christmas, friends.

if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

2010-12-12T17:40:00.000-08:00

I can't even count the amount of times that I've sat down on my computer, & thought "I need to blog again"... it's been about a month since I last updated this virtual world. Oh well.

There is so much to write about, but I guess I will just start with the most recent change. As of Friday night, I have officially completed my first tour as a Regional Manager at LiNK. The night was filled with laughter, talent, & emotion. I have been reflecting on these last few months, & I still can't believe it's over. There were definitely moments of this tour, that I didn't think I was going to last as an RM, but I survived! I learned so much. I am beyond grateful for this experience, even in the midst of trial & frustration, I am growing so much as a person, & as an RM. I really enjoy this work. I was so blessed by our team of nomads from this fall. They each brought so much to the table, & inspired me. It was hard to say good bye to them. Two more tours to go before my position is over at LiNK. I am excited about 2011! Leah, we've got this ;)

Aside from work related events, I've been through a lot of changes as of lately. I definitely will not go into the details over this blog, but I came to a fork in the road, well, more like a dead end, & had to make some changes in my life. I am so confident that God has me where I am right now for such a purpose. Looking back in reflection of this year, I almost can't even believe I made it through all that I put myself through. It truly is only by God's grace that I am standing, & not an emotional wreck. I am really excited about where God is leading me. I don't know much about what 2011 will hold. The only thing I really know is where I am going to live, & where I am going to work (since those are both in a year binding contract). Everything else is unclear, & for once, I couldn't be happier about that fact.

There is something so beautiful & freeing about surrender.

When we finally stop fighting with God on what we should be doing in life, & truly surrender everything to Him, I feel that He immediately gets to work. I almost have this image of Him just patiently waiting for us to just respond to Him, & say, "Okay Lord, I am ready. Let's begin this change." & then He shakes everything up, for the better. It's amazing.

Through this past year, I've learned many things, many lessons, experienced a lot of heartache. But, through it all, I've experienced God's grace & God's love more than I ever have in my life.

I know I am rambling (I guess this is what happens when you put off blogging for so long...), but I want to encourage you with something that I wish I could have grasped a year ago. It's so simple, yet the most life altering idea you'll ever experience.

God loves you,
& He is jealous of your heart.

Not in this envious, dramatic way. But in the way that your heart was made to first & foremost be devoted to your Creator; your Father. When we neglect that fact, we are missing the point. Ah, there's just so much peace within that release. & Do not fret, my friends. If you've missed this point, there is grace. Beautiful, sweet grace.

Something my pastor said tonight really hit me. When God saved us, it wasn't just a one time thing. He is continually saving us, in a sense, He continues to rescue us. His blood covers all, over & over & over again.

Song recommendation: "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan
This song is literally on repeat throughout my day.

There is no such thing as the right place, the right job, the right calling or ministry. I can be happy or unhappy in all situations. I am sure of it, because I have been. Deciding to do this, that, or the other for the next five, ten, or twenty years is no great decision. Turning fully, unconditionally, & without fear to God is. Yet this awareness sets me free.

- Henri J.M. Nouwen

What do you need to surrender? What is holding you back from giving that up?

Keep fighting the Good Fight,

inspiration

2010-11-09T22:30:00.000-08:00

inspire |inˈspīr|
verb [ trans. ]
Fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative

What inspires you? What is it in this life that motivates you to move; to act? For me personally, I have a range of answers. Jesus & His flawless Word. Music - the harmonies, melodies, lyrics, & performance; all encompassing. Friends. Family. Random acts of kindness. My list goes on & on.

I want to shine some light on something, more like someone(s) who have truly inspired me to fight harder, & strive more, each day. This group of people, are some of the most passionate, humble, kind-hearted people, I've ever met.

Meet the Fall 2010 LiNK Nomads.

I've had the honor to work for the non-profit organization, LiNK, or Liberty in North Korea, since the spring of 2009, where I first came on as a LiNK Nomad. Ever since then, my life has been radically changed. I continued to work as an intern for LiNK over the years, & as of June 2010, I came on full time as a Regional Manager. I am so blessed to work in an environment where I am surrounded by individuals who are dedicated to seeing freedom come for others, & who continually put others first. Being a Regional Manager was something that initially intimidated me. However, with many words of encouragement, & following in the footsteps of two phenomenal RM's, I have found that it is no longer intimidating, but motivating. Everyday, I am reminded by our incredible Nomads, why I do what I do & why at the end of the day, it is all worth it.

Over the last few weeks, I had the opportunity to fly out to visit our Southeast & West Coast Nomad teams. On these trips, I was asked to observe, critique & 'refuel' the Nomads. They have all reached the half way point on a ten week national tour. Needless to say, they are exhausted. I went out on these team visits with a mission, yet I was the one who returned home being blown away & inspired. Here I am thinking, I'm going to go out there & teach and inspire these hard working individuals. I was wrong. I am humbled by the sacrifices each of these Nomads have made. They each have a unique & beautiful story. They are all so different from one another, yet are bound together by the common thread of fighting to see liberty come to the North Korean people.

Being surrounded by these Nomads reminds me that there is purpose, & that there is hope. They are simple, young, passionate individuals who have sacrificed a semester of their lives to be a Storyteller for the people in NK who have no voice, & for the 300,000 NK Refugees living in Hiding in China, who also don't have a voice. I am amazed by our Nomads.

To our Nomads, please know that your work does not go unnoticed. You are vital to the work we are doing as an organization, & without all of the hard work you put in, we would not be where we are today. To our Nomad Alumni, thank you for setting the path for our current Nomads. To our future Nomads, you have huge shoes to fill, but LiNK is ready to meet you & welcome you to our family!

If you are interested in seeing what life on the road is like, traveling on behalf of an urgent cause, please contact me : Brenda@linkglobal.org

What inspires you? Maybe it's not this cause, maybe it's not the same as the answer I gave above. Whatever it is, fuel it. If you are not being inspired to live for something bigger than yourself, then I ask what is the purpose of living?
Chase inspiration - full speed.

As always,
Keep fighting the Good Fight.

Joy is Essential

2010-10-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.

Mary Manin Morrissey

Lately, I've spent so much time worrying & struggling to figure out the direction my life should go in. It's left me tired, drained & at points, apathetic. These were never emotions I strived to feel, yet they were ever present in my daily life. Yes, I started a new job, on top of making several life transitions. However, I never want those to be reasons why I get this way. I feel like I once had a solid grasp on my life, but I came to the point where that tight grasp began to loosen its grip.

Life is one long lesson, & sometimes we miss parts of it, but I am confident that in time we will eventually hear what we need hear. As I reflect on this last year, & realize that there were lessons I probably should have learned months ago, but I am learning them now. God's grace is unbelievable. His patient Spirit inspires me to live righteously & joyfully.

This past Sunday at Rock Harbor, Steve said something that really struck a chord within me. He said, "I feel some of you may be lacking joy in your life.". I could not deny the overwhelming emotion that hit me in that very moment. So much so, that it brought me to tears. With the Lord in my heart, I am always joy-filled, yet recently I've neglected to embrace that joy, not to mention even express it. It's a key fruit that is necessary to live this life by, yet I completely disregarded it for quite some time.

The challenging thing about being a Christian, is once the Spirit brings something to our attention, & we recognize we need to change, it's so hard to turn away from that. I say challenging, because with change, comes work. The lack of joy I was feeling was no one's fault but my own. Unfortunately, many people who have been close to me recently had to feel the effects of that. For that, I am deeply sorry. You know who you are.

I find so much hope in this quote. It puts life in such a unique perspective. We can no longer say we will live later. The time is now. You are not promised "later", so live your life in every moment.

What goals do you have that you wish you could reach? What dreams do you have pondering in the back of your heart? What is stopping you from making those dreams & goals come true?

Friends, the time is now.
Keep fighting the Good Fight.

Protect Your Dreams

2010-09-07T22:03:00.000-07:00

I am realizing more & more that I don't dream nearly enough. Not in the literal sense of the word, but rather imagine, hope, desire, etc... It amazes me day in & day out that I work for an organization that is driven by people's hopes & dreams. It is because of our founder's dream & desire for change, that LiNK was founded. It is the very thing that motivates me, however I have begun to lose sight of what it means to be a dreamer.
I want that to change. I want to be someone who thinks of the impossible, & chases after it, rather than shoves it to the side. I don't want to miscount my desires, nor do I want to become a realist. There are enough of those in this world, & not enough idealists.

A good friend of mine, before ending his time at LiNK, left us all with some powerful words that have since been engraved in my mind. He left us with this thought to never forget what it means to be an idealist. There is something so pure & beautiful about dreaming big, & aiming high. If we lived a life according to the rules & walked in line with what "reality" may say, then we've lived an ordinary life. I never want to be ordinary.

This is a scene from an amazing movie, "The Pursuit of Happyness". It has reminded me that sometimes it's best to take your dreams & run full force with them, while shutting out anything the world has to say bad about them.

I have dreams. I have big dreams. Sometimes I think they are unrealistic, & sometimes I think by taking certain measures, they are so tangible. I am motivated & excited. I feel I've found "it" again; I just needed to be reminded.

What are your dreams? What measures are you taking to make sure they become a reality?

Keep fighting the Good Fight,

walk in LOVE.

2010-08-10T22:46:00.000-07:00

Unity in the Body of Christ
"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility & gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body & one Spirit--just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call-- one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God & Father of all, who is over all & through all & in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Therefore it says, "When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, & he gave gifts to men."
... & He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds & teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith & of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to & fro by the waves & carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined & held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!-- assuming that you have heard about Him & were taught in Him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life & is corrupt through deceitful desires, & to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, & to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness & holiness.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry & do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, & give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. & do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness & wrath & anger & clamor & slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. & walk in love, as Christ loved us & gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering & sacrifice to God."

Ephesians 4

This past Sunday, I came across this chapter & found myself reading this passage over & over again. As I read through the passage, I began dissecting each verse & allowed it to marinate within my soul these last few days.
I've been so convicted, yet so encouraged since reading this. I know I've read this before, & I am more than certain I've heard several sermons about it, however, the Lord knows when we need to hear things the most, & I believe this is the case, more than ever.

I feel I am in a state of reflecting & processing. If I may be honest, I will say there is a level of expectation I hold over people around me, who fall into the first verse of this passage. Don't get me wrong, I hold myself to a certain standard as well, & I believe we should constantly be checking each other & exhorting one another.
When did it become ok to put the ones we claim to love, down? When did it become the norm to slander our brothers & sisters, but then in the same day give them a big hug & tell them you love them? Why do we feel there is nothing wrong with spreading harsh opinions about people to others, yet never get the courage to present those opinions to the one you speak about?
I will be the first to say, I am no saint. I fall short, & I fail. However, this is not okay, friends.
When we act this way, it is not out of love, & it especially does not do a good job at imitating Christ.
We need to begin an end to this.
It should never be tolerable, especially within the Body.
Christ called us to be unified with one another, & we need to allow each part to work properly, because it "makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love". By tearing each other down, we are not allowing each part to work.

I don't know where you are at specifically as you are reading this, however, I encourage you to take a step back & truly question your motives & actions. Are the things that come out of your mouth uplifting to the ears around you? Do you speak in love?
If you are unsure, or your answer is no, then I urge you, refrain from speaking such things.

Trust me, I will definitely be working on this myself.

I am done with it all; I can no longer allow room for things of this nature.

grateful for love

2010-07-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

Friday was my 23rd birthday, & I got the privilege to spend it with some of my favorite people.

I was driving to Becky & Megan's apartment to meet Becky to go out for dinner. She opened the door & a few of my girlfriends were all there. The apartment was all decorated & everyone looked so cute! I was so surprised!! Then, Tranica, one of my most favorite people ever came out of the back room & surprised me! I thought, this night can not get any better! I was with such beautiful ladies whom I love so dearly.
Becky BBQ, we danced, sang, acted silly & ate some good food & snacks. It was a perfect night!
A few hours later, just as the night was winding down, Megan called me into her room to give me a present. (Goo Goo Dolls tickets!!!! yes, SO stoked!!) then, I was walking back into the living room & opened the door, to find my closest guy friends, the boys of the band sleep for sleepers (go check them out, they are amazing). They were all standing there in a line, with presents (haha) & hugs. I was in such shock, that I could barely express how happy I was. SO much went into this evening, & it was so evident. I think that is what I appreciated so much. This last month was so hard to work such long hours (totally not complaining, it is what it is) & I wasn't able to spend much time with my friends, so I was so grateful to be around the people I love the most.
OK, so the neat thing is, everyone was in on it, & for quite some time haha. The boys even went as far as to put a fake show up on their myspace so that I would think they were playing a show in Arizona on my birthday, meaning they couldn't be there. Gosh, so clever! Needless to say, I was shocked, super surprised, & just full of joy. My birthday was definitely the best I have ever had.
The rest of the weekend was a blast too! I just got to spend quality time with such beautiful people, catching up, sharing jokes, & just being so content in eachother's presence.

Thank you SO much for everyone who partook in my birthday celebration.
Becky & Al, I know you both put so, so much work into planning everything - & believe me, it showed.

I love you all so much. I don't know why, but I am so blessed by the family of friends I have surrounding me.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art....
It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
-C.S. Lewis

i'm never close enough to say

2010-07-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.
Brendan Francis

There has been a subtle thought that has been coming up in my mind lately.
This isn't to be a sad, depressed or even a 'woe is me' entry -

On that note - somedays I just wish I had someone to walk life with.

I have beautiful friends, & they are so amazing to listen to me talk about my life, & walk my journey with me. However, I long for the day that I get to share all the little moments with someone special. The things throughout my day, good & bad, the moments I found to be so silly, only They would understand & appreciate that I told Them. I think this is one of the things I miss the most about being in a relationship; there is someone in this world who not only is there to listen to you babble on & on, but they desire nothing more than to hear about your day. It's a beautiful thing to share, & I often desire that.
Until that day comes, I will still enjoy everyday as a gift. Maybe I will just start writing down all the little things in a journal, & then when I have the honor of being Someone's lady friend, I will read Them all of my little silly notes.

Love on, people, love on.

perspective shift

2010-07-04T00:12:00.000-07:00

Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the life you deserved,
but have never been able to reach.
Check your road & the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won.
It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is y o u r s.

Ayn Rand

I am finding out something about life that I wish I realized years ago. The life I live, & the direction I go in, is all based on my choices. Simple, yet so overlooked.
June 1st marked my first official day at LiNK as a Regional Manager. The last month I have worked more hours than I thought was humanly possible, but I do not regret a minute of it. I thoroughly enjoy my job, & the people I get to share everyday with; who walk alongside each other, sharing the same passion. It's a beautiful experience, & I am so grateful for it. However, with those long hours, & often stressful moments, I've found that it is so important to remain as positive as you can be, surrounding yourself with those who will encourage & uplift you. I am so blessed by those who have surrounded me with prayer, kind words, or even their presence in the last month. I am confident that it was because of those things that I made it through that rough month.

Back to the way we live our lives being a choice...
I have come to this point because I realized, I don't need stress in my life, it isn't a necessary attribute to function properly in life, in fact, it is a miserable component that I do not wish to take on. That goes with negative ambiance, personalities & drama. Working at LiNK has helped me to have this perspective shift. Life is so much bigger than the petty things we focus on. There is so much beauty & joy surrounding us, yet our negativity & pessimism shadow all of those great gifts in life.
I am no longer allowing negative people, ideas, or presence to bring me down, or be a part of my life. Call me brash, but I just feel if I can prevent a negative atmosphere around me, than I should.
I get to choose who I allow in it, & who I desire to share it with.
I am not naive, I understand in life, things happen. Not everything or everyone is perfect & happy - we all have issues, & I am fully okay with that. However, those who spend their days complaining or choosing to view everything negatively, I will choose to not surround myself with them.

Choose your battle. Fight hard, fight on.
Remember that although life consists of pain & trials, there is so much to be grateful for & so much beauty surrounding us.
Focus on those things & I am convinced that your life will begin to look up.

Be blessed

there's beauty in your battle

2010-06-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

God knows something you don't know...

He knows all the facts - All the facts about your situation.
At best you know relatively few facts regarding yourself.
God sees the whole picture - past, present & future.
You're in the middle -
He views from the outside - with transcendent wisdom.
He knows you in the total context of your life.
He knows you from top to bottom - inside and out.
Your future is as plain to Him as your past.
As no sparrow can fall to the ground without His knowledge,
So He is aware of every microscopic detail of your existence.
Even "the hairs of your head are numbered," Jesus said.
& He loves you! With an everlasting love,
an unquenchable love, an unremitting, unchanging love.

Of course you have sinned - & failed - & vacillated.
But His love is infinitely greater than your weakness.
Commit your way to the One who will guide you according to all the facts.
Nothing would please Him more.

I found this memo of encouragement just simply browsing the Internet in researching the scripture Isaiah 55:8-9, which says,

For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways
& My thoughts than your thoughts.

I am so grateful for this verse. In the midst of uncertainty & even slight doubt, God's Word breathes so clearly.
I am finding that in my life I am constantly searching for direction for my next step. Whether that be a big step, or even a small step. I strive to live day in & day out ultimately for the glorification of my God. Although I strive for this, the reality of it all is that I often fail. The beauty in that is that there is grace & learning that comes as a result. I feel the Lord is bringing me out of a uneasy state & slowly, but surely, guiding me to a state of peace & joy. This is what gets me up everyday; this is what keeps me going. Even in my darkest of moments, there is always a glimpse of light & hope. Friends, we must always focus on that light. Jesus never promised an easy life as believers, but He always promises to be faithful & He promises to be a consistent Father. The trials we face have purpose. They serve not only to make us stronger in the end, but also to be a testimony to someone else. Therefore, we must push through with the confidence that God will pull us through everything we face. We may not have all the answers, & frankly, I am grateful for that. The great blessing is that, as it says in Isaiah, "His ways are higher than ours". I've always believed this, but I feel convicted to really start living this out in my life. We must fully surrender everything to Him, & believe that His way is best; that He has a perfect plan for all that we go through. If we fully lived this out, how much better would our lives look?
I say all of this to you because I too need to live this out more.

I hope you all can be encouraged. I pray that we would all live this out & truly believe He will take care of us & bring us out of our darkness, in His own timing. If any of you are going through a rough patch in your life, I encourage you to not pray to be taken out of it, instead pray how God can teach you while you are in the midst of it & how He can grow & stretch you.
You are where you are right now for a purpose, don't try to find all of the answers, don't try to run away from it- embrace it, & gain wisdom from it. These moments are what make you who you are, & they will be a testament to God's sovereignty & faithfulness.

Be blessed.
& more than ever before,
Keep fighting the Good Fight.

tomorrow starts a new chapter

2010-05-31T22:14:00.000-07:00

"If you live gladly to make others glad in God, your life will be hard, your risks will be high, and your joy will be full."
— John Piper, "Don't Waste Your Life"

As I sit here in my living room on my comfy couch, I am reflecting on this month. It has been a month filled with fun days & nights, emotional moments, spiritual challenges, mind-altering conversations & all in all, amazing memories. I am so grateful for the life I have, & the people around me. I've been able to spend so much time with my best friend, Becky & that has been such a blessing to me. Her mother passed away this month, after battling stage four cervical cancer & that has led her to move in with me. We used to be roommates, so it actually feels more than normal to see her everyday & even to share a room with her. The Lord has shown me so much through my friendship with Becky. She is truly such an example of what it means to be a faithful servant of God & to fully trust Him despite the hardships in her life.
We were able to get away for a little bit & make a trip to Las Vegas. We had so much fun with our friends & it was a nice break away from all of our daily lives. I'm so glad May was a productive month & also just a blast! Now, I am ready to get back into reality & really begin to step into the next [big] chapter in my life...
I've spent the last year volunteering/interning with a non-profit called LiNK|Liberty in North Korea & now they've asked me to come on board as a full time staff member. Starting tomorrow, I will be a Regional Manager. I am beyond excited! I know that this is totally of the Lord just because of how it all came about. God has truly been an amazing provider for me & I can't wait to see what doors this position opens up for me.
So, it's time to say goodbye to the flexible, unemployed, free lifestlyle that I was living & say hello to the M-F, 9-5 office lifestyle! Not completely. However, I know this is going to be such a unique transition for me. I've never done something of this sort, but I trust I have been placed in this position for a purpose. I need to work on my confidence. All in all, I am stoked & ready for this!
Hope you all are well & blessed.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

2010-05-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

If thou desirest Christ for a perpetual guest, give Him all the keys of thine heart; let not one cabinet be locked up from Him; give Him the range of every room, & the key of every chamber; thus you will constrain Him to remain.
-Charles Spurgeon

The beauty of being a follower of Christ & fully trusting that His divine power is so much greater than ours, is that we have a security in always being taken care of.
My life in the last year has been one that is unpredictable, heartbreaking, stretching, joyous, & mind opening. I count my experiences as both blessings & life lessons. I am so grateful to the Lord for remaining so faithful even when I am far from it. His grace surely covers all.
I have begun to truly appreciate the place in life God has me in. I've learned that being transformed by God means letting go of my desires & my will, & placing my entire life in the hands of the Father; allowing Him to lead me in the path He desires for me. God has chosen to work in my life, & I am humbly responding.
My life is taking an interesting turn, one that I was not expecting whatsoever. While being on a mini-tour for LiNK in April, I applied for a full-time position at LiNK as Regional Manager. After applying & interviewing, I was asked to come on board as staff. I accepted! I am really excited & also nervous, because I am about to embark on such a different adventure, however I am confident it is entirely of the Lord, considering how it all came about. I am really looking forward to see how everything begins to pan out in the next few months.
I am seriously so blessed in my life, but it is so easy to forget that & to miscount all that we have. One thing I do know, is that sincerely surrendering your complete self to Christ is the most beautiful & courageous thing one can do. It is a decision I would never take back, & it is one that I will continue returning to, even when I feel I've slipped away. His love is perfect & unconditional. Basic truths, yet so life altering.

Keep fighting the good fight.

hello saturday, you look beautiful!

2010-03-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

Today has been a wonderful Saturday, so far. I woke up & my mama made me a great cup of coffee which went wonderful with my morning devotion. I finished reading through the book of Hosea. If you haven't read it yet, you should! The sermon that was preached at Rock Harbor Fullerton last Sunday night had touched on Hosea, which made me intrigued to read it, & I am glad that I did. Reading through Hosea was interesting because it just seemed to be downfall after downfall until the end. It's an awesome reminder of how faithful God is, even when we don't deserve it. I loved this verse the most,

Come, let us return to the Lord;
for He has torn us, that He may heal us;
He has struck us down, & He will bind us up
-Hosea 6:1

After all of that, I decided to go on a bike ride! Lately, I have been going with Al, but today I was solo. It was such a beautiful day, I had to be outside. I love the sun! I rode around 10 miles; just me, some great music, & the sun. Can't complain! I took a little break at the El Doradoo Park duck pond & people watched haha. Then, I got hungry along the way, so I went into Fresh & Easy to get an orange, water & a fruit snack. Then took the longer way home. It was so beautiful. I swear, life looks so much better when you are riding a bike. You aren't moving too slow, & definitely not too fast. You get an interesting perspective on the things around you. I love it. I hope I keep it up. & Thanks to Becky for letting me borrow her awesome bike! <3

I am really excited about life right now. We've got to take in the good moments so we can persavere through the hard times. I am definitely at an interesting point in my life right now, but I know & trust that the Lord is taking care of me & that He has big plans for me. I just throw my hands up in the air & surrender to His will, because I have learned (the hard way) that my way leads me only to pain & destruction. No thanks! haha.

I hope you all had/have a wonderful Saturday! Go outside, take it all in.

I am Yours, do what You wish
I am yours, I am yours & I know this
Whatever happens next is in Your hands, in Your plans
Nothing less
In everything there is a choice

Through the joy,
through the pain,
I will rejoice
I am Yours, do what You wish
I am Yours, I am Yours & I know this

Save me, cuz I need it
& I can't help but feel desperate
My desires seem to be coming to their endings
But I will trust it's not the end,
But a great beginning

...Keep fighting the good fight.

oh, the open road...

2010-03-17T23:46:00.000-07:00

how you make me anxious...

it's been a while; my condolences.
as of lately, i am still unemployed - minus the job i work on Sunday mornings, which i love. it's an awesome experience working in children's ministry. i never thought i would enjoy it, but it's a humbling experience & it takes me back to youth ministry...just these kids are a lot smaller, haha. it also is a self esteem booster! not working is really hard on me because it's all i've ever known. of course, it is nice most of the time, but overall, it is trying on my character.
i am looking forward to going on tour for LiNK again ( i don't know if i mentioned that in my last blog ) . i leave in the beginning of april for a few weeks, to tour the south. once i get home from that, i will begin searching hardcore for a job again. i know the Lord will provide something for me, i just need to be persistent as well as patient. there is still talk of doing a band tour this summer, i'm just continuing to surrender that plan to God & see where He leads us....

lately i've been able to hang around some good people. meeting up with old friends is always really refreshing. the past two days i got to spend time with a close family to me, the smiths & their little ones. it was really great hearing how they are doing as a family & also get their advice on my life, i can always use that! they are just one of many that i've been able to meet up with these past few weeks. i just am in awe of how God works sometimes. i swear, when you're down & you feel you are on your last thread, He brings a boost of sunshine in your life. speaking of sunshine, how about our so cal weather lately?! aw, so so beautiful! alex & i rode bikes the other day & that was so great. we are going again tomorrow!
i really want to keep active. too young NOT to ya know?

all in all, i am really excited to see what is next for me. i have NO idea. i am thinking about cosmetology school, because i like that field & i thnk i would be good at it. also, by being licensed, it would allow me to be more flexible in the things i am truly passionate about : ministry, non profit work, artist relations work & music. so i feel it might be a smart move on my part, but it's in my prayers.
i'm trying to save the little i am making right now from unemployment. it's hard because it really isn't too much. but i know i will need a car very soon (the one i've been borrowing, i have to give back to my friend in a month or so!) *if you know of anyone selling a CHEAP, reliable car, let me know!!*

God is so good to me. He really is showing His love for me through the people around me, & even in the midst of hardship, He carries us through. Such a faithful God!

my heart is still heavy, but He knows where I am at. my hopes are set high, but i am trying to not let them consume me or get the best of me, but that is just the honest truth.

My heart is filled with songs of forever,
the city that endures when all is made new.
I know I don't belong here,
I'll never call this place my home,
I'm just passing through.

keep fighting the Good Fight.

one day at a time

2010-03-12T11:43:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been on a roller coaster for the last six months. At points, I was fine, excited, scared, anxious, hurt & even felt sick. Never before have I been on such a ride. I feel like the ride is over now, & I just started to move forward. I don't know exactly what that looks like, & I don't regret any part of my ride, rather I look back on it & remember, reflect, & learn. Through the good & bad parts. Through the pain & doubt. These roller coasters are what life is all about. We can't predict what kind of ride they will be, nor can we see the end. We just have to go for it. We need to be cautious, though, & protect ourselves. All in all, at the very least, it is all a learning experience.

I am so grateful to the Lord for bringing me through it all, every step, in every which way. He has been the only constant in my life, & once again, He has proven Himself faithful & just. I don't know where He is taking me next. I am more than willing & more ready than ever to get there.

I have a lot to be excited for in life right now. In April, I have been given the opportunity to go back on tour for LiNK - Liberty in North Korea, but this time for only a couple weeks. I will be going with a good friend of mine, & that will make the trip so great, I just know it. I love doing work for LiNK, whether that is Artist Relations, busy work or touring/screenings. There is something about doing something outside of yourself - for someone else, that makes life worth living. The best part is I will be traveling the South. It has been my dream for years to do this. Georgia, here I come!

I am still unemployed, but I finally started receiving unemployment from the government. Which has put my anxious stomach at ease. I still feel productive though. Not having a job where I clock-in, clock-out is all that I know. Literally, since I was 15 1/2, I have always had a job. Now, I don't have to be any specific place at any specific time [except for the Sunday school job I have] yet, I feel like I still have purpose. I feel I have been able to be there for my friends even more than before, I have more available time for LiNK, & most important, God has been doing some crazy things in my life, which to be honest, if I had a job right now, I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle it. & That is the beauty of God - He never gives us more than we can handle.

This summer might also be one full of tour & exciting opportunities, but we will have to see as the time gets closer.

All in all, God is amazing. He is faithful & ever present in my life.
Without His guidance, I have no idea where I'd be right now.

OH! Also, Fullerton Rock Harbor has been absolutely mind-blowing, every week so far. If you can, you should check it out. It meets right near Fullerton College off Lemon in between Chapman & Wilshire, on Sundays at 7pm or 9pm. GO!

Hope you all [who read this] are doing great. Let me know if I can be praying for you in anyway.

& as always, & even ever more true in my life as of lately :
Keep fighting the good fight.

formspring.me

2010-03-06T21:26:00.001-08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/brendaabel

a passion of mine

2010-02-20T21:04:00.000-08:00

Many of you know that I do work for a non-profit organization called LiNK (Liberty in North Korea). This time, last year, I was sitting in a film screening that was hosted by LiNK & I found myself yearning to act. After watching footage of the atrocities that are taken place currently in North Korea, & finding out how the world is so blind to the human rights crisis going on there, I knew that I had to do something. I wasn't sure what that "something" was, however I wasn't going to waste anytime trying to figure it out. Within two weeks, I sold my car, moved out of my apartment, sold my belongings, dropped out of school & moved to Torrance, CA where the LiNK HQ's is located. I began training to go on the road as a "LiNK Nomad" for 2 months. Needless to say, my life since then, has been radically changed. And for the better.
My eyes have been opened, & my heart has been drawn to this issue more so than anything else in this life.

I say all of this to you because LiNK has the opportunity to be apart of a contest to WIN $250,000. Pepsi recently created a campaign called the Pepsi Refresh Project where they are giving away money to the groups/ideas that receive the most amount of votes. Only the TOP TWO candidates will receive the $250k! When we entered the contest, we were in 68th place. As of today, we are in 4th place! We have climbed so high due to social networking sites such as facebook, twitter & myspace. People have made videos, put us in blogs & even announced us on the radio. This is so monumental for this organization. By winning this competition, LiNK will be able to provide assistance to North Korean refugees who have not only escaped from their country but who have also been resettled into a country where they are 'free'. We will provide a community for them, where they will learn, be loved, grow & be educated. We are not asking for money, we are not asking for much of your time. All we are asking for are your VOTES. You can vote once a day, EVERYDAY until February 28th. We have been stuck in 4th place for a few days, & we are up against well known organizations. But I have not lost hope. Please, spend the next 8 days broadcasting & promoting this contest. Get creative! Reach out to your school, church, your favorite band, etc. The easiest way to get people to vote is to post it on your facebook or twitter. Educate your friends & family members about this! Remember, every vote counts!

TO VOTE: go EVERYDAY to www.linkglobal.org & from there, you can click VOTE! It takes 5 seconds.

I encourage you to go to our website & watch our media, read our history, & see the results of our organization.
Friends, I wouldn't ask this of you if it wasn't something that I whole-heartily believed in.

I will leave you with this video to watch. It's short! His name is Joseph & he is a North Korean refugee who escaped his country & found our organization. LiNK taught him English, fed him, protected him, educated him & helped him resettle into the USA where he now has freedom, like you & I. Joseph holds a very dear spot in my heart. I have met him & still talk to him. He is a blessing & a miracle. Tell his story.

Joseph:The Underground from LiNK Global on Vimeo.

Heal my heart & make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Keep fighting.

i forgot to mention...

2010-02-15T14:45:00.000-08:00

...in my last blog, that i got a job! woo-hoo!
It is only once a week, but it will bring in enough money to practically cover my rent! Praise God.
I had my interview yesterday, & they offered me the position on the spot!
I will be working for this church in Long Beach on Sunday mornings facilitating the youth, doing teachings, mentorships, activities, worship, etc. I am really, really excited about this. It is doing something I really love to do, & it is only 4 hours a week at a fantastic pay. Now, I just need to find some part time work during the week & I'll be able to meet the rest of my bills.
The Lord has definitely provided for me in this hard time, & I am excited to embark on this new chapter!
Thank you for your prayers & please, always, always let me know how I can be in prayer for you all.

& all of this to say, I found this job on craigslist. haha!

I hope you all have a wonderful monday!

Fight on.

dragoste

2010-02-14T14:58:00.000-08:00

dragoste - love, in Romanian.

:]

Valentine's Day. A day to celebrate a love that you share with someone. Someone special & dear to your heart. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, that is a beautiful thing! Yes, some may say it is a hallmark holiday, but who cares! Another day to feel special, & make someone else feel special too. I encourage it. So, dear friends, if you have a special someone, remind them that they are special to your heart. You don't need money, you don't need gifts, just your time & attention. So give it.

I do not have a significant other to share this day with, but I am okay with that. It warms my heart to see my friends status updates & tweets, pictures & posts about what they are doing today & who they are sharing it with. I thought today would be a bitter day for me, but it is not. I am single, lovin' Jesus, & observing that love is truly in the air.
If you are single, or miserable on this day, know that the God of this universe, loved you before you even knew what love was. His love is unconditional & never ending. Now that, that is something to rejoice in!

So blog readers, I leave you with one of my favorite Bright Eyes song, & hope it will bring joy to your heart & remind you of how special you are

Be blessed today.

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

remember my chains

2010-02-10T00:34:00.000-08:00

I love reconnecting with the people who made the most impact in your life at one point & seeing where they are now, & discussing where you are as well. This past September marked 10 years of me being a Christian. I have never regretted a single minute of it. My first youth pastor that I had was Jeff. Him & his wife, Rebecca soon became like second parents to me. Within a month of my father leaving my family, I stepped, for the firs time, onto a church property and was greeted by these two amazing, God-fearing people. My life was forever changed.
It has been almost 7 years since I last saw Jeff & Rebecca, but their words of wisdom, guidance, & love has followed me in all of the decisions I have made in life.
Late last night I noticed Jeff was online on facebook, so I sent him a message & that was the start of our 2 hour online conversation. It consisted of jokes, laughter, tears & complete awe of God & how he truly speaks through His children. A lot was discussed & I walked away from our conversation desiring to seek God even more about what He is doing in my life currently.
Two major things he told me & that I learned was that,

Don't make contemporary decisions off of historical pain.
&

While we wait on the Lord, He is at work in our lives.

I am currently waiting on the Lord for guidance. I have been for quite some time now, & through it I have learned so much about my self & about my heart. God truly blesses us when we walk in obedience. I know my life & my heart isn't all figured out, & that is okay, but I know & trust that the Lord is going to provide for me & for those around me & heal all of our wounded hearts.
We have to believe this; we have to place our faith in this.

I don't ever want to just sit still in life. It's not worth it. Friends, I hope that wherever you are in life, right now, that you would not focus on the negative or the pain, but instead, surrender that to God. Trust me, He will respond. It may not be in the way you would like it to be, but His plan is always better than ours. So, if you are stagnant in your life right now, search for something to push you; find purpose in life. It always is a lovely experience when we go soul searching, I highly encourage it.

That is enough rambling for a night!

*If you could pray for me financially I would appreciate it, friends. I have been unemployed for 3 weeks now, & am running really low on funds. I have been looking, but it is near impossible to find a job right now. I appreciate it :)
&& please let me know how I can be praying for all of you (whoever reads this!)

....ONE LAST THING! :]
watch this video & please VOTE everyday for LiNK at : www.refresheverything.com/link to win $250k
thanks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eaSYSnpvv0
Keep fighting the good fight.
...even when it seems impossible.

Hand grenade.

2010-02-07T00:58:00.000-08:00

Oh, to be young
It sounds like so much fun
Oh, the long wait
For things to happen, expectancy
And you, just waiting on me
I wanna know what's in your plans

If you're an ocean
Then I wanna jump right in
If you're a hand grenade
Then I'll pull the pin
I'll wait right here, all night for you
To let me in and I'll run run run run
Run right back to you, I'll run

Life's moving faster now
I'm older here
But younger somehow
Head full of fear
And it makes me break
Please let me find you
Please let me know
Just what you want
Please let me see
What you need me to be

Oh, if you could see in me
You might be kinda scared
Oh, if you could just believe
You'll take me anywhere

-The Almost

Our walk with God is not meant to be this easy path that we follow. It is meant to be full of hardships & struggles because without those moments, we can not grow. We need to be stretched so that we can continue to morph more & more into the image of Christ that we were created to be.
In the stage of life that I have found myself in lately, I've been really taking steps back to reflect who I've been, who I currently am & use all that information to decide who I want to become. The key is not to only include myself in that decision, but ultimately taking that to the Lord & asking Him to reveal to me who He wants me to be.
There is a certain scripture that I've been reflecting on lately.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I used to think this verse somehow meant, Oh the Lord is going to give me whatever I desire/want...Then I woke up. Haha.
But now, when I think about it I feel that it is saying delight in God; surrender everything to Him, & He is the one that knows our hearts better than we do, & He ultimately knows what's best for us. So, when we delight in Him, He will give us those desires, that we may not even see.
I don't know if I am making any sense here. I hope you all understood that.

That's all for now.
Hope you are all well. I don't even think anyone reads this but hey, if there is someone out there, radical, if not, it is just a place for me to write out my thoughts. :] win-win.

Keep fighting the good fight.
<3

it doesn't feel as far when i know you're doing well

2010-02-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I look back on the past few years & am amazed at where I am at, & other times I am frustrated that I haven't progressed it certain areas. For instance, school. I don't even want to think about how many times I have dropped out, didn't go, or did go but dropped classes. It bothers me, but at the same time I know that because of not going to school, I've been able to accomplish so many things that I didn't think that I would be able to do. Traveling for LiNK (www.linkglobal.org) was probably the biggest thing I did in the last few years. It was huge, & outside of all that I knew was comfortable. However, it radically changed who I am, & who I will continue to be. Moving out on my own was definitely life changing as well. I say all of this because I know for myself, I sometimes get down when I think about all of the things I haven't done, & forget about all of the things I have done.

that was just a ramble, but I felt like saying it.

----

I don't have much of an update today, sorry if you were looking for some profound blog, not today friends. I will say though, I have been on a Copeland high for a while now, & I have continued to fuel it by getting two albums that I didn't have before.
Dressed up & in line and Eat, Sleep, Repeat. I know, I know, you're saying, "Eat, Sleep, Repeat" is old, and I am just now getting it? Well, when I first heard it, *especially Control Freak* I was not impressed & rather bothered by the album. However, I was challenged to give it another chance, & I did. I can't believe I was missing out this entire time. It's like you can't say you fully know & love Copeland without listening to this album. I stand corrected.
Then, with Dressed up & in line, I was just browsing iTunes to see if there were any albums/EP's I didn't have & sure enough this is what I found! I can't believe I also was missing out on this album! There are a few acoustic songs that they reproduced on this album from other albums, but there are a few new (technically old since it was released in 2007) songs on there as well. Anywho, friends, fellow Copeland lovers, please get these albums if you don't already have them.
My favorite song ever just so happens to be by Copeland is "when Paula sparks" & they have an alternate version on this album. I cried. I am not a baby, but this song holds so many meanings to me. I can't believe this is the end for Copeland. Ah, I don't want to think about it. I can't wait to see them in March. Two times. San Francisco & The Glasshouse. It will be glorious.

...I can't believe I just wrote a blog about Copeland. Oh well. Deal with it. <3

& when you've found something to die for...
it can make you face all your fears
they'll be knocking on your heart's door.

2010-02-02T13:45:00.000-08:00

It's time.

2010-01-31T16:33:00.000-08:00

I often think to myself, "I should write in my blog again." However, I decide not to because it's been so long since I last wrote & there is way too much to update on or cover, so I am writing from today on.
Deal with it.
:]

I am really excited about my life right now, & where I feel God leading me. I don't have it all figured out, & on top of that I have many questions, with no answers, but this time of my life is causing me to cling to my first love, that being Jesus. That's all I need to know right now. I am finding that life itself is a lot more simplistic than we make it out to be. I could sit here & write out all of the hurts & pains I am dealing with right now; I could also list off all of the things I wish weren't happening to me, but all for what purpose? To be miserable? I choose not to go down that road. At the same time, however, I am not going to walk around like I do have my ducks in a row or as if my life was perfect, because it is far from it. I believe there is a healthy balance that we all need to find, & be content with that. Being a follower of Christ definitely has a lot to do with my attitude of hope & peace. Even in the midst of sorrow & pain, I know more than anything else in this life, that there is purpose behind the pain, & there is always a time of rejoicing to be had at the end of it. I know that God has my best interest at hand, & all in all, if I cling to that, I will always be okay. And that, my friends, is why I can wake up each day no matter what battles I may face, & say I will make it through this. I will be okay, in the end of it all.

This past week was an emotional roller coaster for me. And even in that short span of time, I can look back & begin to see God's purpose in that. Thursday & Friday of this week I attended a conference hosted by Rock Harbor called "Sex, Love & God", it was beyond phenomenal. Each night left me speechless & amazed at how God works. Friday night was especially significant for me. The message was great, but that wasn't necessarily what grabbed my heart. I came before the Lord before the last worship set began & said, "Lord, I am tired & weary. Please search my heart, & reveal yourself to me." Because the truth is, the last few months have been very rocky for me, & extremely emotional. I have been so tired, & so weak, I finally was so hurt that I couldn't physically, emotionally, & especially spiritually handle it any longer. My problem was in the fact that I wasn't surrendering my whole heart to the Lord, my first Love. He made it so very clear to me what I needed to do, and I did it. I feel an immediate weight that has been lifted off of me. & For that, I praise Him.

Friends, something I am learning about having a relationship with God is this, until we can humbly surrender everything, He can not do the work that He wants to do in our lives. I sometimes thought, I can give God this, but not that; but when we do this, we are robbing Him of doing the great things He wants to do in our lives.
I don't want to have control over my life, because when I do, things get messy & things are so much more difficult. When the Lord is leading, & in control, life isn't miraculously easy, however, it works. It is worth living. & It is promising.

There is my update. This is me, this is where I am. I really want to keep writing. I encourage you to comment, or ask me questions. I love that.

Friends, be blessed.
Keep fighting the good fight.

There are times it seems
when everything's lost
and I'm moaning, I'm tossed
and I see..

Between the river and the ravens I'm fed.
Between oblivion and the blazes I'm led,
So Father give me faith, providence & grace.
Between the river & ravens I'm fed.
Sweet Deliverer, oh You lift up my head
& lead me in Your way.

& the world spins madly on

2009-06-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

As of Saturday night, my nomadship with LiNK officially ended. There were times that I was looking so forward to that evening, not because I hated what I did, but because I just wanted reality to start again & have my normal life back. Now, I don't know how I feel. I am excited to get my life back in order, however a part of me feels so empty. I just spent the last three months dedicating everyday to this organization and spreading awareness of the North Korean humanitarian crisis, to now doing what?... looking for a job? sleeping on my mother's couch? being broke? I guess I just need to find my place again. I am grateful because on June 15th I start my new internship with LiNK as the Artist Relations intern. That position will look so different from what I just did. It will only be two days in the office and the rest will be on the side. I am excited for it though.

Don't get me wrong, I am excited to get my life in order and to find my place; it's just not as exciting as I thought it would be. I guess I'll give it more time.

I have been listening to this band called "the weepies" a lot lately [thanks to my girl, Carolyn!] & it is just beautiful, simple music that makes me so happy. I am listening to this song called "Can't go back now" & I love the lyrics.
"In the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself"

I love that.

you&me, walk on, walk on, walk on, you can't go back now.

So true. So that is what I will be working on, walking on.

i'll be right there

2009-05-28T15:46:00.001-07:00

Since I have been home from tour [about two weeks] I have been so busy. I am finishing up my 'nomad-ship' with LiNK this weekend. It is crazy to think only 3 months ago, I was quitting my job, withdrawing from school, selling my car & moving out of my apartment for this crazy adventure. I can't even explain how much I have grown as an individual as well as spiritually. Realizing that when the Lord calls us to drop everything & die to ourselves and rely only on Him, He means it. I am so grateful to the relationships I have that have stuck by me during this experience, as well as the new friendships that I have created along the way.
We have been in the office everyday, tying up loose ends and doing a lot of data entry. I really enjoy this environment though. The people, the atmosphere, everything. I am not miserable, and it doesn't even bother me being here for extended hours either. I feel so much joy when I am in this place.
Last week I had my interview with LiNK; I applied to be the Artist Relations Intern for the summer. I got it! I am SO excited for this position. It's so encouraging too because they have expressed their excitement & vision for me and this position. I really want to succeed at this. I feel it will open doors for my future & guide me in the academic/career path that I should take.
Unfortunately, it is an non-paid internship. I need to make money, so I am hoping I can work at the CPK down the street from my mom's house in LB. If not, I will look anywhere. I am just really looking forward to this summer in general. I want to make the best of it, and not be lazy. I want to go explore, ride my bike, play sports in the park, write music, play shows, go to shows, go on a million dates with Dustin, haha, and learn to love the beach :]
Friends, I am so grateful for the impact you have in my life. Thank you for all that you are to me. I love you all.

-Bren

home sweet home :]

2009-05-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

...I’M HOME! :D

so anyways...

I got home Friday morning around 1am, after leaving Philly Tuesday night around 11:30pm, driving straight without stopping except for in Chicago for a couple hours. Needless to say, I was exhausted. The first person I saw was Becky. I jumped out of the van, practically still in motion, and jumped on her! Haha! It was so refreshing to see an amazing familiar face like hers. We didn’t get to spend much time together because I was meeting Dustin at the LiNK office, because he was picking me up. As I was about a minute away from the office, my heart starting racing & I got really nervous. I was about to see the love of my life, whom I hadn’t seen in almost 10 weeks. I turned into the parking lot, & saw him standing so beautifully against his car with his arms crossed & with the cutest grin on his face. I parked horribly, jumped out of the van & ran to him, jumped into his arms and he spun me in a circle. We hugged for a few minutes, both of us were to nervous to make eye contact, it was cute. It just was so emotionally intense to go so long without seeing such a close person to my soul and then all of the sudden seeing them. It felt as if we had just started dating again. We stayed up late, got up early, then after a few errands, spent the day together. It was perfect in every way. I love him so much. That night, Patty [his mom] made us dinner, which was nice to sit down and talk to his parents about my trip. I love their home, it feels so right when I am there :]

Saturday I woke up early and met Becky and we drove to meet up with Tran. It was so good to see Tran, but so sad at the same time. I had to say hello & goodbye in the same morning. She left for Montana for the summer. I am happy for her, but I wish she could be apart of my summer here in southern California :\ . After Tran left, Becky and I hung out with Megan! I just had such a good time being around people who get me and who love me for me. It was so amazing. We got Rite-Aid ice cream and just talked and caught up. Then we went to the Brea Mall and got our ears pierced! It was pretty impulsive, but I am glad we did :]

After that, I met up with Bea. I love hanging out with Bea for many reasons, but especially for our inside jokes, our movie quotes, our awkward facial expressions & just because I laugh more with her than with anyone else. I feel like I haven’t laughed much in the past 2 1/2 months, so it was needed. We stopped by Christine’s [a student in the youth group] 16th birthday party, then headed to Mikey’s! It was really good to see so many old friends and just hang out. I was so tired by the end of the night, but all in all, it was so good to see so many of my good friends throughout the day.

Today, I woke up early again, boo! I went to Beachpoint in HB. It was SO good. I seriously missed going to church while I was on the road. I felt right at home. Bill preached and did such a great job. I really got a lot out of it. He was talking about the conversion of Saul. He quoted C.S Lewis saying, “His compassion is our liberation”. I love it. After service, Dustin and I went to get sushi. oh my. I missed crunch rolls. The eastcoast was amazing and all, but their sushi, sucked. Well, at least compared to California :] Then we walked around the swap meet at Golden West college. I just love spending casual time with my boyfriend. He is such a blessing to me, and I can’t get enough of him! The rest of my Sunday was spent relaxing at my mom’s apartment, which has been so nice. I am back to the LiNK office tomorrow, bright & early! It’s bitter-sweet. But more sweet :] I really do enjoy the people I work with at LiNK, so it will be good seeing everyone in the office.

I want to leave you all with this illustration that I read in my friend Carolyn’s blog the other day, that I thought was so amazing. Hopefully it is encouraging to someone :

"As I came home from church one evening, I was struggling to recognize God's guidance for my life. Suddenly, I drove into dense fog and could see nothing. Poking my head out the window, I noticed a tiny light from the road ahead. As I inched my car forward, it blinked out and another set of oncoming headlights took its place some yards ahead. I crawled along, following just the short distance I could see--one light after another--until the fog cleared. Then I realized that this is how God guides me. He shows me how far I need to go at any given moment. And step-by-step, I move from one light to the next. Confident of God's guidance, I let go of the need to see his complete plan."
Dr. Helen Roseveare, a British medical missionary in Africa from 1953 to 1973

Ah, it’s SO good to be home. Love you all.

final chapter

2009-05-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

As my final chapter of this season in my life approaches, I can't help but to be in deep reflection of the past few months.
I am so glad that I took the advice of one of my favorite people, Tranica, when she told me, "Bren, make sure to journal constantly!". I made sure that I did just that. The other day, I had some down time, so I read all of my journal entries. The night before I left for tour, Dustin gave me a few gifts, including my journal. I made sure to write in it every two days [only a few times did I slack off]. It is crazy to reflect and think how much you can change in such a short period of time. I feel I've changed for the better. Here are some things I noticed:

1. I am no longer afraid of doing things by myself. Whether that is eating, walking, exploring, taking the subway, or even going to the movie theaters to watch a sappy chick flick & laugh all by myself. I have always considered myself to be an independent person, and I like that. However, I was never the type to just get up and go... alone. I quickly realized that if I wanted to experience this season to its full potential, that would mean I would need to face each city head on. It just so happens that both of my teammates are from the Eastcoast, so when it came to exploring or sight seeing, they weren't really up for it. I am so glad I didn't let that hold me back.

2. Being intentional does really make a difference. Distance should never be an excuse. Of course it makes it harder to stay in communication with your loved ones when, physically, they aren't there. Before I left for tour, I told myself I need to be intentional with five of my closest sisters as well as Dustin, of course. I can look back and say happily that I did that. It wasn't always easy, but that is where the intentionality comes in. I have learned to appreciate the random texts, the picture messages, the facebook & myspace comments and the phone calls from my friends and family more now that I am not with them. Another way I've had to be intentional is with my relationship with Jesus. It is SO much harder to stay strong [for me] when I don't have my community and my weekly church service. I don't think that is an excuse, but it is reality for me. This tour reminded me that although I don't have a church on the road with me, I have Christ living in ME. I just need to be intentional, and He will still speak truth into my daily life.

3. As cheese ball as this sounds, "anything is possible". Touring the Eastcoast and visiting about 50 universities opened my eyes so much to my future. I have become more confident and determined, meaning when I get home, I am going to finish school and I will succeed. I am so excited to get back into school and learn more. I have more of a passion for intercultural studies and language. I really can't wait to see where the Lord leads me. I am learning that I can't keep putting the God of all creation in this box that I see fit for Him, because it is not fit for Him, it is fit for ME. This is a very vulnerable state to be in, but I know it will direct me where I need to go. Ah! So exciting! :]

There are obviously so many more things that I have learned about on tour, as well as things that have changed me. But that is enough for now! I really want to keep reflecting and take all of these things I have learned on the road with me home. They are memories but they are also life values that I wouldn't trade for the world.

It is now Sunday, and I have only two screenings left and I will be home on Thursday. I can't even believe it is near over. Well, when I get home I will debrief for almost two weeks, but still, TOUR is practically over.

Thank you loved ones for standing by me through this time, and for all of your prayers. I will be home soon enough, and I can't even wait to hug each and everyone of you.

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
-George Bernard Shaw

i'm all smiles :]

2009-05-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,
I just received news from our headquarters that due to some issues with our rental van, we have to get back earlier than we planned. Instead of leaving for California on the 15th, we will now be leaving on the 12th!!! I honestly could not be more excited than I am right now. Don't get me wrong, I have definitely enjoyed my experience, and I have learned some amazing things, but I just miss home so much. I just did a dance in the room I am staying in, THAT'S how excited I am. :]

anywho, I just thought I would share!

chapter who knows what number

2009-05-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

Hi there!
Sorry for not keeping up with this, I kinda forgot! Tour is still tour. It's actually a lot better than it was when I last wrote, but it is getting harder to be away from home. I have about 17 more days until I reach California soil!! I am excited to see everyone, but sad because Tran will be leaving the day I get back, so I will be saying hello & goodbye :\ . I was just updating my calendar on my MacBook [which btw is a great application!] and I noticed that our next few weeks on tour are not that booked. We have a lot of days off, because we had trouble booking them, especially in Pennsylvania. Sooo, if you know anyone in the Philly or even Pittsburgh area that would want to host a screening, let me know! I was also inputting my schedule for when we get home. It is sort of a tease because I'll get home, but I still am not done with my internship as a Nomad. We have a retreat when we get to Torrance, CA for 3 days and then we have the weekend off, and then we are in the office doing debriefing office work Mon-Fri from 9am to 7pm everyday. Then Saturday night we have a farewell dinner...THEN I am officially done. Wow. So, technically I still have a while to go, but I will just be so happy to be near home :]

So back to tour! After Philly [which I really loved] we went to NYC. Which you think I would love too, right? Wrong. I mean, I have been there once before when I was 13 or 14, and enjoyed it. It's not like I hated the city this time around, however I was probably at my worst. The weather was terrible, the tour was rocky, everything cost an arm & a leg, and tons of not-so-fun miscommunication. The worst part was I was so, so lonely. I don't think I have ever felt so lonely. You know that feeling when your bf/gf breaks up with you, and it's the next morning and you wake up & it hits you in your stomach? Yeah, I felt that everyday. It is hard to explain. I also realized something else; when you are in a new place with tons of awesome landscapes & monuments, it's not so great when you have no one to share it with. I guess Christopher McCandless was right, happiness is only real when shared.
I am okay though.

The rest is sort of a blur, haha. Sorry. But I am still here. I still have learned a lot about myself, and about people in general.
I did get to see both of my aunts that live on the eastcoast, as well as hang out with my cousin, Jason. Both which were very interesting [in a good way] experiences. I love the fact that when it comes to family that it doesn't matter how much time you spend apart from each other, they will still always be there no matter what. Plus, I really benefited from the conversations I had with them.

My favorite city so far has been BOSTON. I absolutely loved it. The weather was beautiful for the most part, and I learned so much about the history of Boston and got to see lots of beautiful places. I even took a trolley tour on my day off and I highly recommend taking those in the cities that offer them! I took lots of pictures too. [there are too many pics to post on here right now, so if you want go to www.myspace.com/brendaabel & look at my "on the road again" photo album!]

We are on our last leg of our tour & it's actually getting really tough. On one hand, I am super excited to finish strong and GET HOME! However, I am finding that each day is a personal struggle to just get through it. I am missing Dustin like crazy. It has been such a blessing to be able to talk to him everyday & when possible, video chat. Being apart for this long has made us both realize that our love for each other is so strong & that we are both excited to begin the rest of our lives together! I also just miss my friends, and my community back home. I can't wait to get back on track with everyone!!

Friends, please keep me in prayer these next couple of weeks. Pray for patience, strength & just that everything will work out when I do get home [financially & what will happen this summer]

Thank you guys so much! Love you!!!

nyc today!

2009-04-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

I saw this and couldn't resist <3

Hi friends,
We left Philly yesterday and now we are in New Jersey! Tonight we have a screening but it isn't until 9:45pm [so late!!] so Nancy & I are taking the train into NYC! I am really excited! I haven't been to NYC since I was 14, so I can't wait!
Our screenings the past couple of days have been so incredible. I am a firm believer in high school students when it comes to events like these. The high school we screened at on Tuesday night was put on by a 10th grader and she was phenomenal! The turn out was 82 people and they even put on a bake sale for LiNK! I loved it :] well, that is mainly because they made brownies, but anyways... :]
Then yesterday our screening was really awesome too. It was a last minute screening so we went a few hours before and promoted on the campus. It is so difficult to do this, because most people don't like getting stopped or even receiving a flyer, but it still was a success! We ended up having 50 people come! We sold a good amount of merch for LiNK and met some really awesome people.
Tour gets very tiring, however, moments like these are the ones that keep me going. I love it!
Also, we have a screening tonight and Nancy & I were interviewed by their school and the wrote an article about the event! Check it out!! :

I am really excited about this part of our tour...Jersey, NY [for a while!], Massachusetts those are some awesome places so I am looking forward to it!

chapter four?

2009-04-06T11:19:00.000-07:00

Liberty Bell

Benjamin Franklin's Grave

Famous philly cheesesteak [such a long line!!]

Nancy [my teammate] & I singing Journey at a Karaoke bar

Being away from the place that I am most familiar with has taught me so much. Here I am, everyday surrounded by unknown faces & places and there are days where I am so excited to be where I am yet simultaneously, I find myself distressed & almost claustrophobic. Please don't misunderstand what I am saying, I am happy where I am. I am satisfied with what I am doing. Some days are harder than others, though. I am appreciating home and my friends & family so much more now that I have been apart from them for this period of time. I never realized how much I love California. I usually am the first to say "I am getting out of here". Why? What is so bad about southern California? Okay, I will be first to admit it is way too expensive, haha. Truth is, southern California is perfect for me. I claim to not be a "cali girl" [whatever that means], yet I really think I am. I am so excited for going home and going on adventures and exploring, going to the beach, taking drives, going on hikes, etc. I know I feel this way because of tour. Just this week alone, walking the streets of Philly, I am just in awe of my surroundings. The people. the terrible traffic, the pedestrians who don't obey the street signals, the cheesesteaks, the architecture, the weather...and so much more. I was talking to Bea last night on the phone, and I know she feels the same way. So I am excited to get home and go exploring our home with her. I miss her a lot. :[ I miss my friends and I miss going to church every week. Last night, before our screening, I was able to attend a church service. It was awesome. I felt so at home, yet I didn't know a soul. Isn't that amazing? Within the family of God, that we can be complete strangers yet be so close at the same time... I find it quite beautiful. That was very refreshing. I am so grateful for my community of friends back home, and I am excited to go back and tell them my wonderful stories and here about their lives. I am sorry if this blog is coming off as if I am not happy, because I am. I think it just am a little sad today, I blame it on the rain, haha.

Anywho, Philly is a great city, but I could NEVER live here. It is too busy for me, I can't even hear myself think! We got to see some cool places though, like the liberty bell, ben franklin's grave, the nation's largerst indoor farmer's market, and of course eat a famous philly cheesesteak [with cheese whiz]. I still have yet to by a camera, it is hard to find a place out here. I am also very poor. $40 a week is clearly not enough to get by *that is the food stipend LiNK provides for us every week* I am grateful for it, but I am finding myself taking from my checking, which I hate, but it will all be ok.

Well friends, you are missed. Please write me! It makes my days so much better! I love you all, be blessed.
-bren

some pictures!

2009-03-29T11:23:00.001-07:00

^- Me in front of the Washington Monument [it was pouring rain!!]

^ -This is a view from the bridge between Washington DC and Virginia!

^- This was an awesome group of people we met at William & Mary

^- We met up with Elli [Rob Young's sister] for lunch in VA

^- Us in front of the V-tech memorial, very moving

^- Me in front of the Robert E. Lee statue [wishing Dustin was with me, of course]

So that is all I have for now. I still need to buy a camera :-\ so hopefully I will have some more soon!

love you all!

2009-03-22T12:17:00.001-07:00

so I am really bummed right now because I wrote a really long blog to update everyone and it erased. ughhhh.

for now, go to www.linkglobal.org/blog/northeast to follow my team's blog.

also, just continue following that blog because it will be more frequently updated.

sorry friends,

-bren

chapter 4

2009-03-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

Hi blog followers!

Sorry it has been so long since I have updated, but please know that I am so busy on the road and rarely have internet :-\

So take this as a joyful moment! I have been enjoying tour so much and seeing so many beautiful cities & states. When we first left the office Wednesday, March 11th @ 9am we drove straight from Torrance, CA to Grinnell, Iowa. Yes, straight through. A total of 30 hours no stops [minus gas, food & potty breaks!] We rotated sleeping to push through the drive. We are crazy!!

We spent the night at Nancy's friend in Iowa and the next morning drove for 20 hours until we arrived in Richmond, Virginia. We stayed here for a few days at Rob Young's parents house. It was beautiful & big! His family was so generous and hospitable towards us. I tried so many new things for the first time like salmon, carrot cake, chicken salad, sashimi, and many, many Korean dishes!

It has definitely been a step out of my comfort zone & my natural element, however I vowed to myself and my team before I left, that while in the road I would "maximize every opportunity/experience to its full potential"! This includes trying new things for the first time, even if I know it will be disgusting, haha.

I have really grown in love with the Korean culture. The families that we have stayed with thus far, have amazing stories and amazing hearts. The students we have come in contact with have been so passionate, and this encourages me to keep pushing through each day no matter how hard it gets.

I am so blessed by the Lord to have been given this opportunity to explore and create a movement amongst many different faces. I am so grateful to LiNK for allowing me to come on board with them as well.

A week ago I bought a "how to learn Korean" book and I have been studying just about every other day. I am so excited to learn Korean and because of this tour I am really considering going to South Korea to learn the language, as well as the culture.

I am basically not putting any restrictions or limitations on what God has in store for me in this chapter of my life.

My dear friends & family, this blog can not express how much I miss and love all of you, I can't wait to see you all again. Please continue to keep me posted on your lives.

ALSO!!!! since it is hard for me to update this blog, please also follow my team's blog @

www.linkglobal.org/blog/northeast

there will find videos, pictures and more updates while we are on the road.

For now, here are a few pictures of that past week on tour! [ok so the pics didn't work, but i will get them up soon!]

-we did a screening at Virginia Tech and visited the memorial for the shootings. so touching.

-in Charlottesville, Virginia we visited some historical sites [Took a picture in front of the Robert E Lee statue! for you Dusty <3]

chapter three

2009-03-10T23:33:00.000-07:00

I can not believe that I am leaving for the Eastcoast TOMORROW morning! I feel like this has all happened so fast, yet simultaneously it feels like I have been sitting in this office in Torrance, CA for a year. The truth comes down to the fact that I am tired, overwhelmed, excited, emotional, anxious, nervous and so many more crazy emotions. Overall, I am READY. During my intense training with LiNK there were times where I was hesitant or apprehensive, but I know now that it is in front of me, that I am ready. It's go time!

Today was our final day of training/booking/packing/everything. It is over now. My team & I just did our last mock screening and it went really well. I love my team. I am so encouraged by them and so excited to see what they will teach me!

I will try to update this as much as possible, but on the road it won't be as easy.

For now, check out my team's facebook:

I love you all! Keep me updated about your lives!!

chapter 2 part 2

2009-03-09T16:00:00.000-07:00

Here are the wonderful people I have been working with : LiNK Nomads!

[credit: angie welsch]

Chapter Two

2009-03-05T13:07:00.000-08:00

Since my last post, I had my last shift at CPK, moved out of my apartment, left some awesome people and moved to Torrance, CA. I am currently working for LiNK [Liberty in North Korea], a non-profit organization that I previously talked about in my previous chapter.

Becky, Megan & I arrived to the LiNK office in Torrance on Monday and have been exhaustively working early to late ever since. It has been by far, the most intense training that I have ever been a part of.... and i LOVE it. There is something thrilling about being spontaneous, and putting your thoughts & desires into action. The people that are in this office and working for LiNK are some incredible people, with fascinating stories.

We [the LiNK Nomads] have all been divided into teams & US regions. My team is the "North East Team" and it is myself, and two crazy-awesome people, Josh & Nancy. I am sure you will be hearing more about those two in chapters to come :] They have also been teaching me a little Korean. [chin-chu!] or something like that...

AHHH. I am just trying to even recall all that has happened in that past few days, but I am even having trouble with that! It has been so educating, and exciting as well as terrifying, all in the same time. I will be able to extend on some of these experiences in my "part 2 of Chapter 2", but for now, duty calls!

I love you all so much, thank you for your support in my journey :]

PS- My team & I will be heading for the East Coast this coming Wednesday! WHOA!!

chapter one

2009-02-19T00:04:00.001-08:00

Some interesting things have come up in the past week...well, mainly ONE interesting thing. On Thursday night of last week at college group, an organization called LiNK [LIBERTY in NORTH KOREA] came and presented a film called "Crossing". They are an organization representing North Korean refugees and are going around raising awareness to people like you and me about the severe humanitarian issues that are currently going on in North Korea. I was so fascinated about the outrageous statistics about starvation, death, sex trafficking, just to name a few. Afterwards, a leader of LiNK presented an opportunity to go on the road with them across the US for 2 months to play this film and raise awareness about these issues. I felt a calling to GO. Me? Yes, me. I was overwhelmed with fear, anxiety, excitement, sadness, and confusion. I thought and prayed about it alot. One of my best friends, Beatriz, was the very first person I talked to after I saw the film and had all of these thoughts and she told me something that has taken me through every moment and every doubt this past week, "GO UNTIL GOD SAYS NO". This is what I have done, and the Lord has laid everything out perfectly for me. Everything that has fallen into place. I am so blessed by this opportunity.

This is something I wrote probably around 8 months ago or so:

i desire to wake up everyday and realize that i have already been blessed with even one more day to live out my life. i desire to be the person that knows she has so much to live for, and does just that- lives. i desire to travel and see just how big God really is. i desire to be a helping hand to a stranger. i desire to be a guest in someone else's culture and community, halfway across the world. i desire to fulfill my dreams, visions and all of these desires and to not just come up with a million reasons why it couldn't happen.
i desire to love God & love others.

That was really my desire, and the Word tells us God will give us the desires of our hearts... man, how more true can that verse be in my life right now?? :]

I will be leaving March 2nd for two weeks in Torrance, CA for INTENSE training. Then I will be sent out in a van [location-TBA] with two other people, who I have yet to meet. I will then be on the road for 2 months, and come back to Torrance for a debriefing session. I will complete this "tour" on June 2nd.

I am embarking on a new chapter in my life, this chapter will be called the LiNK [LIBERTY in NORTH KOREA] chapter. I have a great opportunity that has been placed before me to branch out and be used as a tool to raise awareness in the US about the humanitarian issues in North Korea. I will be on the road, traveling with faces that are unfamiliar to me, but in the end will become characters in my chapter. I am both excited and nervous. The Lord has brought me so far and I am eager to see how He pans everything out.
My dearest friends and family, you will be missed.

MY NAME IS BRENDA, & I AM A NOMAD.

raising the question of...

2008-12-16T13:51:00.001-08:00

I would love to hear everyone who reads this response.

Here is the question:

Do you think that all sin is equal in the eyes of God?

whether you are a Christian or not, I am interested to hear everyone's opinion. I recently had this discussion with a great friend of mine. And it left me thinking. I will reserve my answer and opinion on this topic for my next post, so that it does not change anyone's mind on how to answer. Thanks!

-Brenda